End of the World.

Today, 21 May 2011, marks the end of the world according to various religious groups. So, I might as well blog about my world-ender thoughts before I get blown out of this planet. There's an old saying that goes, "There are only two things that are certain in life: death and taxes." Well, I know I've paid my fair share of taxes but confronting the possibility of death is something that I have not fully embraced. The idea has crossed my mind several times but I have not reached the point where I can declare with full conviction that I've accomplished my purpose and my lease contract here on Earth maybe terminated.

Am I ready to meet my Creator? Not yet, but who am I to disagree with His infinite wisdom. But if my only purpose in life was to support my younger siblings through their college education - then I would say that I've accomplished that and more. I've taught them how to fish and even teach other people how to fish. I guess that's one of the lessons that I needed to learn during this lifetime - being grateful for the blessings that I've received and sharing these blessings with other people. If only everybody can do that, then I don't think we need to fear the end of the world. It would only mean the ending of one chapter and the beginning of an even more exciting journey. ;)

Crossroads... again

Here I am again, in a place where I have to decide on which path to choose. I was given the so-called "axe" today. The Boss told me that I wouldn't have to go to work everyday since they're still finalizing the plantilla positions. She gave me the option - whether to stay and wait or go and look for another job. I wasn't shocked by the news but I didn't expect my reaction because I retorted, "Go where?" It showed an utter lack of options. It was like being cornered in a wall with nowhere else to go. I hated that feeling - that sinking feeling of hopelessness as if my life depended on this job. Two years into the job and I've been wanting to leave because I didn't derive any sense of self-fulfillment anymore. Don't get me wrong, I am blessed and privileged to be part of this efficient staff but I always felt that I was not cut out for this kind of job. However, I needed some sense of stability so that I can support my siblings through college so I stayed on. To keep me busy and 'productive', I took up graduate studies and currently, legal studies.

Now, I have to weigh my options. I kept thinking, maybe this is a blessing in disguise. This is fate's way of telling me its time to move on. Pursue my dream job - whatever that is, I already have a vague idea. I wanna do it now while I'm still young and I got so many fresh ideas in my head.

But I know that I also have to be pragmatic with my decision. Two of my siblings are still in college and will be graduating this April. I still have 2.5 years to endure in lost school. If I have to work my ass off to support my studies, I need a job with a somewhat flexible schedule and a decent compensation. These are the things which are keeping me from moving on.

I honestly do not know what to do. But I'm hopeful and positive about this whole set-up. Its the perfect occasion to nudge me out of my complacency. I just keep on the brighter side - now, I'll have more time to catch up on my readings. :) And I would even have an extra time to pursue my advocacies.;)

So, I'm jotting this on my journal with a silent prayer for God to guide me and send me people and opportunities to help me get through this phase.

Stoked in Calaguas

I've been putting off this entry for too long but now I need to write to release some steam. The best way to do that is to go down memory lane and reconstruct my fantastic Independence Day weekend (June 12-14) plus the the proper documentation, of course.

Well, t'was the last long weekend  before classes start and my Planet Zips friends were inviting me to join them in the Calaguas trip. Initially, I was very excited to join since I thought classes would start on the 15th of June and it would be my last chance to go on a much-deserved beach vacation considering that I wasn't able to do that due to the election circus. However I was bound for a huge disappointment because the College declared that the madness would begin on the 8th. But thanks to the Independence Day holiday, which fell on a Saturday, and to the doggedness of the Dean who felt that it should be celebrated on the day itself, he declared that we won't have classes on Saturday. Yipeee. Its time to party, baby! ;)


Now, I had preconceptions of this trip and I kept my expectations at a minimum. I didn't know much about it and I didn't attempt to inquire about it. I just gave in to the wanderlust in me, always on the search for a new adventure. So, I thought there would only be around 10 companions. Lo and behold, there were 80+ pax who joined the tour. And I thought it wouldn't be very sunny because its already raining (men) in the Metro, but when we arrived there - the sun was shining ever brightly. T'was the perfect weather for the perfect getaway.

Armed with my backpack, water bottle, book (plus cases, sorry I couldn't resist), fully-charged Ipod, and buckets of adventurous spirit - we embarked on that memorable journey.

How can one forget a roadtrip where we flirted with death? I think the driver was too excited to meet the Creator that he didn't respect the idea that its a two-way street and there is such a thing as a counterflow. Fortunately for me, I was too excited to sleep to be overly concerned with this dangerous feat. I hope I could say the same for my vanmates who were hanging on for dear life. ;)

Eight hours later, we had our first glimpse of Mahabang Buhangin. And I tell, it was love at first sight. The powdery-white sand, the seashore which stretched endlessly, the crystal clear water. I knew then that it was the perfect place to calm my tired and restless soul. ;) All in all, it was a fun-filled trip. I even got my first lesson at skimboarding, which looked very easy but it was very difficult to execute. And since my fellow poistas brought gallons of kerosene, t'was enough for us to burn the night away.




Amidst all these beautiful sights, the  starry, starry night would remain etched in my mind. It was the perfect opportunity for me to think and sort my thoughts. To a certain extent, I even made amends with myself. I know I chose this road and I have to finish this race. Where it would lead me, I don't know. All I know is that the Creator planted a dream in my heart and I have to overcome all the odds, including these moments of indecision, so that I can persevere in this task. I know that I would be in this world for only a brief moment, so I should make the most out of this life. There should be no room for mediocrity. I must not forget my life mission -  

                         making a positive impact in other people's lives.


In that brief moment and in that faraway island, I had my fleeting taste of paradise here on earth. It was all I needed to recharge and to continue living this life to the full.

Carpe diem!






Postscript:
In case you also want to take that elusive trip to Calaguas, there's an upcoming tour on July 3-4, 2010. Just get in touch with Nano at mariano_balane@yahoo.com or 0927-2508522. It'll be the best decision you'll ever make. Watcha waitin' for? Book now. ;)

Pour Vous

Warning: This is an individualized post intended for myself.

According to Miranda, the key to success is hard work. So if you fail, it means you're not working hard enough. You gotta work harder in order to be successful.

I'm disappointed with myself again. I have no one to blame for my failures except myself. But I can't help but ask if I'm really made for this. Slowly, I'm beginning to discover my strengths and most importantly, my weaknesses. I know the things that I'm good at and the things that I can do just because I've been placed in that situation and I have nowhere else to go but forward. I will never retreat and I will never surrender.

This is a never ending process of self discernment. Its difficult and confusing but its all part of the game. I chose to travel through this path and I must finish it at all costs. I just have to always remember the gut level reasons why I am doing this. I pray that God will give me the strength to endure and persevere.

growing old with you

Everyday, I always pass by the Parks and Wildlife along Quezon Ave. on my way to work. But this morning, I saw a scene which truly moved me even though it was very fleeting. It was a scene of two old people, hunched inside their makeshift home, and talking, as if they were the only two people in the world. It was a true picture of contentment. They may not have much in life but at least, they have each other... and that's the only thing that matters.

a picture of contentment

Nope, that's not the old couple. That's my lolo and lola! (*_*)

A Teacher Named Mila

I'm sure at one point in our lives we'll meet someone who makes a deep and lasting impact. It could be a classmate, officemate, a public figure, a teacher, or even a total stranger.

I can still remember the buckets of tears I shed when I was reading Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morrie. I also had one such teacher. She was my professor in Hum 1 and more than the lessons in literature, I will always remember her exciting stories about the revolution during the Marcos dictatorship - how she and her husband went underground and lived with the rebels in Mindanao. Sadly, her husband died fighting for his ideals.


After that class, we lost contact. I graduated from the university, but after a one-year hiatus, I was back again to pursue my MA. Until now, I'm still prowling the hallowed halls of Malcolm. But I never forgot Ma'am Mila.

Recently, I was able to reconnect with her through FB and I was elated to know that she remembered me. hehe. I wasn't sure if I made a good impression but if a teacher remembers a student after all these years, then she must have seen something in me.
She has not changed. She still wears the same printed blouses and her smile hasn't changed a bit. And she can still engage us in a very lively discussion about anything under the sun - from academics, to politics, to business and especially faith.

With that meeting, I was reminded to dream again. Filipinos should learn how to become business minded. We have a lot of potential. That's the only way to improve our situation. Its time that we veer away from the employee mindset and start thinking like business owners. One will never become rich by being an employee and working for other people in his lifetime.

Know your gift, nurture it, develop it, and pursue it - then you wouldn't have to work for the rest of your life.

Just like the movie Mila, starring Maricel Morales, I will always treasure the lessons that Ma'am Mila taught me and I hope that someday, I will have a chance to pass it on to others.

Thank you Ma'am.

Poverty inspires creativity

For the record, I don't really consider myself as poor, or even my family for that matter. Let's just say that we're in a temporary financial setback which I already explained in my previous post(s). I'm learning a LOT from this experience and one of my most treasured lesson is that poverty inspires creativity. You learn to be innovative with your scarce resources since you wouldn't want to waste anything on useless stuff. I was able to prove this "theory" one Sunday.

A typical Sunday for me and my siblings is to go to church then eat lunch together. Since I'm on a tight budget, we usually eat at Lutong Bahay (LB). Its the usual haunt for students and dormers who want to eat homecooked dishes without having to spend too much. Come to think of it, when I was a student I rarely eat at LB since I was on a tighter budget. I can survive a day with just a can of pork and beans and a cup of rice. Anyway, I had a dilemma last weekend because I only had 200 pesos in my wallet. If we were to eat at LB, it wouldn't be enough to feed four mouths for lunch. I was thinking about it since Saturday and when I passed by the mini-market stall in Philcoa, I decided to buy half a kilo of fish so that we can have fish tinola for lunch because its the easiest dish to cook. The next morning, as I was preparing to go to mass I thought of an idea - why don't we just go on a picnic and eat lunch together by the sunken garden or lagoon. Wouldn't that be more enjoyable? When I checked my stock of groceries, I realized I had several canned goods which we can eat for lunch. These dishes would be easier to bring than the tinola. So, I opened two cans of tuna, a can of corned beef and my favorite pork and beans, heat it in the microwave, and cooked pancit canton. Voila! It was an instant feast.

When I informed my siblings that we would be having a picnic, the look on their faces were priceless. I even brought my poi set for some entertainment. Of course, I later informed them that it was part of our austerity measures. ;) I will forever treasure that moment and I'm sure they'll do too. Even if we were just partaking of canned goods and instant noodles, it seemed like a feast fit for a king. Not even a million peso dinner at Le Cirque can beat that ;)

Lesson learned: Happiness is always a choice. No matter how dire the circumstances, as long as you stay optimistic that everything will turn out right in the end, then there's no need to fret. Do not let your faith waver! Find joy in the simplest of things and always be grateful for each blessing.

My Eleven Peso Lesson

9 July 2009

Tonight, I learned a very valuable lesson – to be grateful despite this financial setback that I am in.

Tonight, I only have eleven pesos left in my wallet. The house rent is overdue and I can’t endure the somewhat “accusing” tone that my housemate said to me. I have to give the weekly allowance to my three siblings. EVen if I gave them my last 200 peso bill yesterday, I know it will not be enough. My parents are also having financial difficulties back home so I know I can’t burden them with all these concerns.

The pressure is building up and I can’t help but cry in order to release all these. Time to let go of all these tears that I’ve been bottling inside me for the past months. I may be crying out of helplessness. This is it, I've hit rock bottom. But one part of me says I’m not helpless. I know I’m still blessed, overblessed even. Money should be the least of my problems. To illustrate, let me enumerate my blessings so that I’ll always be reminded of the reasons for my gratefulness:

1. I’ve got a loving family who remains united throughout these trials. I get my support from them, and they from me. I always tell my father that at least money is our only problem. Its very easy to find a solution to this financial problem. We are also blessed with excellent health.
2. I still have a job. Even if I haven’t received my salary for almost three months, I just think of it as forced savings.
   
3. I am still able to go to school and enjoy myself in the learning process. I have supportive blockmates who make this lost school experience more bearable.
4. I’ve got sincere and genuine friends who will never let me down and who manage to keep in touch despite our busy schedules. I can feel their concern for me even if we don’t see each other often.
5. I finally came to my senses after enduring months of uncertainty. I now understand that it will not work and that I should stop wasting my time for someone who do not appreciate the attention.

The future looks very bright. I have lots to be thankful for. This is just a minor setback. I know I have to learn something from this experience and that is to be grateful for what I have, for the simple blessings in life. But after this, I know I’ll never live in want again. I swear, I’ll never worry about money again. I believe I’ll have an abundance of wealth. But more importantly, I’ll have an abundance of non-material blessings like love of family and friends, contentment, and gratefulness. Money is just material – it wouldn’t last. May this experience remind me of the more important things in life. I will never, ever be fixated on earning money that I’ll forget about the essential things.

Tonight, I celebrate my freedom from these material things because I know I have a very generous God who will never leave me and who showers me with many blessings, essential blessings. I thank you for making me realize this. I know I’ll never live in want again because I know that You know all my needs and You will provide me with it.

reflex[ology]

How many things do we do out of reflex?
According to my favorite encyclopedia, Wikipedia, reflex is an involuntary and nearly instantaneous movement in response to a stimulus.

One funny experience reminded me of this question this morning. I was singing my current favorite song (Seasons of Love, if you must know) when I walked out of the house. As I was riding the tryk, I tried to remember if I locked the front door or not. I couldn't, for the life of me, recall if I did lock the door. Then I thought of all the possible grim scenarios, in case I left the door open. The would-be burglars could not be charged with Art. 299, Robbery with force upon things, since they do not have to break any door or window - they just have to walk through the door which I left open. They can only be charged with Theft and Trespass to Dwelling. Wait, I digress. (got a bad case of Crim 2 hangover)

Anyway, to ease all my doubts, I asked the driver to go back so that I can check the door. Guess what, its locked! :) I apparently closed the door out of reflex since I go out of that door every morning. It has already become part of my system and has become a reflex action.

Now, back to the question. Or maybe, a more relevant question would be: How many of these reflex actions are so important that we should also savor it, put some value into it, and not merely do it out of reflex? Another interesting question would be: What actions should we do habitually so that eventually we can do it out of reflex?

Just keep thinking... just keep thinking...

so blessed!

Today, I learned another lesson in generosity.

Do not be afraid to give, even if you think you don't have enough, even if it hurts. When you give, He will return it to you a thousand-fold. You just have to learn how to part with your material things, so that He can fill your life with more blessings.

why suffer?

Journal Entry
20 August 2008

I realize now that suffering and oppression will always be part of this world. There will always be people who exploit and oppress others and the economic society will always be unjust - just as it was in Jesus' time. But the goal is not to live a happy life free from all these oppression and suffering. That would be sheer utopia. The goal is to live a meaningful life. Amidst all these suffering, one must find the real meaning and purpose of this whole experience. One must try to understand, coupled with God's grace, the reason why god allows these things to happen in one's life. God's intention is not to hurt you - I'm sure it must hurt him also to see his sons and daughters suffer but like a loving Father, He can see ahead into the future. He knows that one has to go through all these painful experiences in order to grow and learn the lessons and purposes of this life. And just like the loving Father that he is, he does not give us things or experiences that we cannot bear. He knows us more than we know ourselves. He knows what we are capable of doing. We just need a slight push into that direction. Know that He is the Good Shepherd and He wants what is best for us - and that is to be with him in heaven after our temporary exile here on earth.


dpm

Be still, know that I am God

24 March 2009

My lame attempt at poetry...
Inspired by Psalm 46:11 "Be still, know that I am God."

Be still my soul
God is around
Be still my soul
His love abounds

Silence the chatter within
Listen to His voice
Allow Him to come in
Go, make that choice

No matter what state you are in
Confused, betrayed even heartbroken
Remember, He has a reason for every strife
For He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life

Know these truths by heart
For it will guide you through different paths
And when you're confronted with choices good or bad
Be still and know that He is God

time to write

Ecclesiastes 3:1 "There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven"

In the Ecclesiastes reading today, Qoheleth was saying that there's a time for everything.. A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance. He is also the author who declared that everything is meaningless, meaningless. So, what are we supposed to do?Do we just stay idle and wait for our lives to end? Or do we go out and do crazy stuff because life is short and we gotta make the most out of it?

I guess what he just wanted to say is for the people to realize that every worldly pursuit is meaningless unless one takes it in the context of eternity. Life does not end with our last breath. Its just the start of something better.. one might call it resurrection or after life or heaven.. The most important thing is to think beyond this earthly life. It might be advisable to ask myself this question: Will this pursuit bring me closer to my heavenly inheritance?

This passage also made me reflect on the things that are keeping me preoccupied right now. I guess this is the time to write and the time to think about what I really want to do with my life. Are these pursuits bringing me closer to heaven? Or am I just wasting my time pursuing meaningless goals? Hmmm.. that's a hard question to answer. I may be going through very difficult times right now but I believe these struggles only make me cling more strongly to Him whom I know will always be there for me. Maybe, that's the purpose of all these..

Life may not be meaningless after all.. 

 

old songs

haay.. its a lazy tuesday afternoon and I just finished cleaning my desk (above it and underneath it) as in mega-general clean up! oha, ako ba to? hehe.. I felt this sudden urge to clean my surroundings so that I can function well. sabi kasi dun sa personality test that we took last night in our unit hold - Let's get organized, sanguines! so, here's the first step to getting organized.

Anyway, while cleaning my desk, I've uncovered some old cd's which I haven't paid any attention to for the longest time. One is a cd from Joms containing old yfc songs. It just felt great to listen to these songs and reminisce my yfc experiences. One song is my all time favorite - Strong Arm 'coz there was a funny and humbling experience associated with it. :-)


Strong Arm

My child I knew you
Before the world began
I was there every time you wrote your name in the sand
And lately I know you've been through quite a storm
My child, I've been there since the day you were born

Oh, and I rule the wind
And yes I calm the sea
And the sun won't go down until I say it can leave
And as sure as my word I 'll stand here right by your side
And if you're just too weak to go on
Remember child, that I'm your strong arm

Now people will wonder and they'll stand amazed
They'll say you are a miracle and I will be praised
And even though your pain has been so hard to bear
Just know that I'm with you there's no need to despair

Lean on me, I'm your strong arm
I will never leave you


I do miss those yfc days - when we were young and carefree and our main concern was to make it through the sem. But, come to think of it, that wasn't my main concern after all. I was very busy with extra-curricular activities especially yfc events. That was the highlight of my college life.

Its just sad to think of the various issues confronting the CFC community right now. In reply to a friend's email, I was able to gather my thoughts and came up with this..

---

beyond the issue, here's what i think - that rift was inevitable. for an organization composed of unique individuals with different principles and different levels of maturity, who have grown into very large proportions, it would be hard to unite all of these people under one banner because they are bound to promote their own principles. conflict starts when the individual member perceives that his principles are no longer compatible with the organization's beliefs. one way to resolve this would be to reconcile these differences and reach an agreement. but if the number of members who must be feeling this way reach a significant level, it would be very hard to reconcile - thus the natural thing to do would be to break away from the organization and form another group which would espouse their principles.

so i say, nobody is at fault here. they are just doing what they believe is the right thing - and that is fighting for their principles. that's the way human organizations work.

i do agree with you friend, "it doesn't matter in which organization i am in. the organization is there as a vessel to do the mission that was given to me." di ba yan ang lagi nating sinasabi nung nasa yfc pa tayo - do not find yourselves in yfc, find yourself in God. aptly put, do not find yourself in cfc, find yourself in God.

as for me, i'll be forever grateful for my yfc experience. i learned a lot of things and met a lot of good people whom i consider as my true friends (brothers and sisters in Christ) - kayo yun :-) and i'll treasure those memories.

the CFC community was instrumental in my renewal of commitment to Christ but i think i've outgrown that stage. i'm moving on in my journey towards living a more fruitful life for God with and without the help of any organization. this is my personal journey but i do appreciate the aid of people i meet along the way who have touched my life in various ways. at the end of it all, i think God would not ask me how many organizations i've joined but how much I've loved.

gratefulness

This morning, I resolved to wake up early and jog at the Circle. Obviously, for vanity reasons, I felt like I was gaining weight and I don't like it. hehe.. Actually, the Circle is a good place to jog. I just don't like crossing from NHA towards the crossing. I felt like all those wheezing cars would bump me and leave me for dead. I swear, that'll be the death of me(God forbid!) its been a long time since I've been there, I noted several stores that I'd like to visit when I have the time - the Butterfly garden, Herbal garden and the skating rink.

Anyway, on my way home, I was tempted to buy taho. Its been quite some time since I've eaten taho and I was greatly disappointed. It didn't taste too good. So, when I saw a scruffy old man, sitting by the sidewalk, I decided to do my good deed right then and there. (The motive wasn't really that noble 'coz I wanted to dispose the taho and it was the perfect excuse.. ) And I thought he looked kinda hungry too so I'm sure he'd appreciate my taho.

But when I offered my taho to him, here's what he said to me, in straight english. "My Child, I am so grateful that you're sharing your food with me. But I can't take it coz I have arthritis. Thank you, thank you."

That's it? No punchline? It blew my mind away. It was the ultimate humbling experience. As I was looking into his clear eyes, trying to gauge the sincerity of his statement, I still had doubts in my mind. I was thinking that he'd end his statement with, "But you can give me some money instead." I swear, I'll walk out on him. But after he finished speaking those sincere words, I was speechless. I just managed to smile and walk on with all these thoughts racing through my mind.

I'm so ashamed of myself. I realized that my view of the world is so jaded. I'm paranoid that everybody is out to outwit anybody. It feels great to know that there are still kind hearted people out there who also see the goodness in everybody. I'd like to take that attitude to heart and live it. Gratefulness is also one trait which many of us have forgotten. All I hear are complaints - its too hot (be thankful there's no storm), i have so many things to do at the office (be thankful you have a job), the food does not taste good (be thankful you have something to eat).. the list is endless for things that we can be thankful about.

Be grateful - make it a habit!


P.S.

Also, Paulo Coelho's book entitled Veronika Decides to Die came to mind. What if he's one of those people? Someone who doesn't want to live within the bounds of societal norms. Society calls them crazy - they call it, freedom. And yes, I remember, I once wanted to have that kind of freedom but was too afraid to risk.
Maybe I'll talk more about this in my future posts.

On death and living

21 July 2007

With the recent deaths of Dr. Fredegusto David and Bro. Gene Sanchez, I realized how fleeting life is. There's no sense pursuing mundane things. The mission of every human being is to touch and directly impact other people's lives. In the lives of these two gentlemen, God has truly guided them. They led quiet lives but they impacted a lot of people by the way they lived their lives. They have shown us how to live a life of passion for what they deemed as important. May God help us to be more like them - in patience, perseverance and quiet contentment.

Understanding of God

15 July 2007

What if Mary and God are one Supreme Being?
He/she/it has no gender. Its just a manifestation of the human gender but its one and the same. We attribute or attempt to understand the Supreme Being's personification in the way we understand it as humans.

The human's spiritual experience of the manifestation of the Supreme Being is relative to the Spirit's need to gain a deeper understanding of the entirety of the Supreme Being.

Its like language - we have different languages, different ways of expressing ourselves and understanding things. But there's a universal truth -we all believe in the Supreme Being. That our world originated from something or someone more powerful than we are - all knowing, omniscient, omnipotent. Since our senses are limited, we can only grasp a certain facet of this Being's entirety and we use this as our guiding principle / living motto in how we live our lives, how we attempt to understand how this Being work and how we give back our praises to the Supreme Being in gratitude. The Being's gender is not a hindrance to our understanding of the Being's entirety. So, Our Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit and the Blessed Mother could all be personifications of the human being's understanding of the Supreme Being given one's human capacity. Although a semblance of form and structure is also essential so that the believers will have a common understanding of the Supreme Being - much like Wittgenstein's language game.

Like the language, it originated from the human being's desire to communicate with another individual. First, it may have started with only two beings understanding each other using a particular form or semblance of language and then when they became many and many people understand each other using this form - it became established as a formal language.

To each according to his needs. So we attach a certain attribute to the Supreme Being based on our needs. For example, the birds may have or believe in a Supreme Being of worms because they would need someone to guide them / lead them to an abundance of worms. In Jesus' teaching, even the birds of the air are important to him, much more is the human being whom the Supreme Being created in one's own image and likeness.

Maybe that's the reason why we call upon the saints who have spent their lives contemplating on the entirety of the Supreme Being - so that we can follow their steps and grasp what they have grasped and gain an understanding of the Supreme Being.

Religion places a semblance of structure in the human being's understanding of a particular facet or attribute of the Supreme Being.

So, what is the implication of this in our daily Christian living?

silencio

I was invited to a retreat last weekend. I didn't really know what the retreat was all about but I thought I really needed a break so I decided to join anyway. Apparently, the retreat, which was sponsored by Notre Dame de Vie, was all about prayer symbolically represented by quenching one's thirst by meeting Jesus at the well.

It was a new experience for me since the community espouses the importance of silence within the halls of the retreat house. They believe that one can be in communion with the Spirit through silence. For someone who really loves to talk, it was awkward at first. But after a while, silence becomes your company - in everything that you do, like eating, washing the dishes, walking, etc.

There was one session facilitated by Fr. Em (short for Emmanuel) which was all about prayer. Initially, i thought i already knew everything there is to know about prayer. I mean, at a very young age I was already taught how to pray. By sharing the story about Jesus and the Samaritan woman, Fr. Em presented a new aspect about prayer, which gave me food for thought throughout the retreat. Here are a few points that he raised:

- In order to pray, one must have the will to pray. One must learn how to pray.
- According to St. Therese of Avila, prayer is nothing else than the close sharing between friends. This means taking time frequently to be alone with him whom we know loves us.
- Each encounter with Jesus is a prayer.
- Notice that Jesus met the Samaritan woman at a well in the outskirts of the town. This could mean that if you want to have a special encounter with Jesus, you need to get out of the noise.
- It is also possible to meet Jesus daily, even in ordinary places.
- There was also a verse about Jesus becoming very tired from the journey - he can empathize with our weaknesses.
- One doesn't have to wait until you feel worthy in order to pray. Even sinners can meet Jesus in prayer.
- In the dialogue between Jesus and the women, both friends are thirsty when they came to the well. Jesus starts the dialogue in prayer. And he is waiting for you at the well.
- Its a comforting thought that God desires us and prayer is an encounter of God's thirst for us.
- When he asked the woman to give him a drink, it was the love of the woman that he was seeking. Jesus is thirsty for our love.
- Love is giving and receiving. We just have to allow God to love us. God is waiting for someone who will accept his love.
- For us to accept his love, we have to enter into the covenant and open up our hearts to him. Although, God respects your will to accept or reject his love.
- St. John of the Cross declares that: "It should be known that if a person is seeking God, his beloved is seeking him more."
- The Holy Spirit is the living water.
- There are several wellsprings of faith such as the Word of God and liturgical prayer within us. Faith is something that belongs to us. It can also be a talent that one can exercise through actions. Do your little acts of faith and at the end of the dialogue, Jesus reveals himself.
- We cannot measure God's presence according to our own feelings.
- True adoration is the movement of body and soul. ad- to want and oration-oral. It is an act of bringing or giving oneself to God and to come to him in a free and personal way.
- If you want to discern your vocation, start doing / fulfilling your eternal vocation and your practical vocation will be revealed.


Let me end this with three statements. I came... I saw... I left..
I came... not knowing what to expect from the retreat.
I saw... a different aspect of prayer and a contemplative attitude towards it. I realized that a lot of people are also thirsting for more of Him, including me. And our thirst can only be quenched in prayer.
I left... with a lighter bounce to my step knowing that my God is just waiting for me to come to him in prayer.

affirmations

undated journal entry

I was feeling kinda low at that time and I just thought of jotting down something in my journal. My hands couldn't stop writing and I can barely read my handwriting. My persistent question at that time was, What do you want to say Lord?

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Repent and I will forgive your sins. Come back to me and I will bless you and your family. Keep strong. Plans. Do not be afraid of the Spirit. Let Him guide you and inspire you as you continue living your life for me. Keep him in your heart always. I feel hurt when you deny me, when you don't stand up for me. Be confident in my love for you. Do not think about what other people think. What matters most is my opinion of you. I sent my Son to go against that - to prove that one can be capable of laying His life for the people for the sake of love. Claim my promises - that I will use you as my instrument, that I will prosper your plans. Repent now. I have shown you many signs. I have spoken to you many times. I introduced myself to you. I'm teaching you of a new and radical way to live your earthly life. All of these material things will come to pass but my love will last forever. So be wise in your decisions. I have called you to my Kingdom time and time again. Invite me into your life. Allow me to bless you. Hold on to my words and my promises. Do not doubt me. I alone can change your life. Obey me. Keep my words in your heart. Tell other people about me - do not be afraid to speak out. Don't be afraid of ridicules. Remember that you're doing it for your Lord. I want you to be with me in my kingdom forever. Keep the strength. Open your senses - I'm performing small miracles everyday to remind you of the heavenly kingdom, when you will rest with me forever. Don't be stuck in this world. I love you son. I love you my daughter. Don't waste this one time chance that I gave you. Don't be lazy. Make haste for your time is drawing near. Call to the Holy Spirit for help. I am sending him to you. Do not lack faith. Believe. Believe always. Say this to yourself many times. Believe in me. Believe in all the things that happened in the past, of what's happening at present and what will happen in the future. I

limbo

I feel like I'm floating in a limbo. I don't know where I'm going but I know I have a lot of things to do - I just can't find the motivation to move and perform. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed with a lot of things - family concerns, work (and the lack of motivation to work), community service, business sideline. I feel like well, floating.......