Here I am again, in a place where I have to decide on which path to choose. I was given the so-called "axe" today. The Boss told me that I wouldn't have to go to work everyday since they're still finalizing the plantilla positions. She gave me the option - whether to stay and wait or go and look for another job. I wasn't shocked by the news but I didn't expect my reaction because I retorted, "Go where?" It showed an utter lack of options. It was like being cornered in a wall with nowhere else to go. I hated that feeling - that sinking feeling of hopelessness as if my life depended on this job. Two years into the job and I've been wanting to leave because I didn't derive any sense of self-fulfillment anymore. Don't get me wrong, I am blessed and privileged to be part of this efficient staff but I always felt that I was not cut out for this kind of job. However, I needed some sense of stability so that I can support my siblings through college so I stayed on. To keep me busy and 'productive', I took up graduate studies and currently, legal studies.
Now, I have to weigh my options. I kept thinking, maybe this is a blessing in disguise. This is fate's way of telling me its time to move on. Pursue my dream job - whatever that is, I already have a vague idea. I wanna do it now while I'm still young and I got so many fresh ideas in my head.
But I know that I also have to be pragmatic with my decision. Two of my siblings are still in college and will be graduating this April. I still have 2.5 years to endure in lost school. If I have to work my ass off to support my studies, I need a job with a somewhat flexible schedule and a decent compensation. These are the things which are keeping me from moving on.
I honestly do not know what to do. But I'm hopeful and positive about this whole set-up. Its the perfect occasion to nudge me out of my complacency. I just keep on the brighter side - now, I'll have more time to catch up on my readings. :) And I would even have an extra time to pursue my advocacies.;)
So, I'm jotting this on my journal with a silent prayer for God to guide me and send me people and opportunities to help me get through this phase.