Tuesday, December 19, 2006

au revoir for now..

I'm just squeezing this into my otherwise busy schedule. I'll be leaving for davao at 4am tomorrow. Weeehhh.. I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it. hehe.. but going home means I wouldn't be able to post my thoughts in this blog. But don't you worry, I'll just write in my journal whatever comes to my mind and I'll post it here once I get the chance.

So, au revoir for now mon amis. Je m'ennuierai de toi. Je vous verrai bientôt. Joyeux Noël et nouvelle année heureuse.

Dieu bénissent.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

longing to be HOME....

Im so excited to go home.. 3 more nights and i'll be back in the company of my family. I only get this opportunity once a year and now I'll be maximizing my vacation coz I'll be on leave for a month. whew.. I guess that's enough time to get my bearings and acquaint myself once more with the neighborhood where I grew up. You see, for the past six years, I haven't stayed at home for more than two weeks. And during those times, I'm always out with friends or visiting some relatives. God, I really miss my home.. If it were not for the dusty and bumpy 6-hour ride, I would be going home everytime the airlines offer promo flights.

Another reason why I'm so excited to go home is to see for myself how the CFC community is growing in our hometown. You see, I've been praying and dreaming about this for the past 4 years. Ever since I joined YFC and experienced the loving embrace of brothers and sisters in the community, I always prayed that my parents, 2 brothers and 1 sister would be able to experience this feeling. Before I joined this community, I've always felt that there's nothing wrong with me. I'm just an ordinary Christian who attends mass every Sunday and prays to God regularly (thanks to my Catholic education). But then, I've never been so wrong about that. In this community, I realized that God is ever-present and ever faithful and that He has a divine plan for everybody - including me and my family. And I'm holding on to that assurance that someday, somehow the rest of my family will be able to realize that too..

I never knew that God had something up on His sleeve. For 4 years, I just kept on praying and hoping - but nothing happened. Nevertheless, I still pushed on with my service in the community - attending youth camps, joining the production numbers for the conferences, giving talks, and all that jazz. But at the back of my mind, I kept on wishing that someone would be doing the same thing in my hometown. Recently, my fervent hope became more of a mantra. We've been having minor problems with my dad and his vices. And these problems escalated to a level which me and my siblings cannot tolerate anymore. I don't wanna put him in a negative light. Its just that I'm overly concerned for my siblings who are in their formative years. But I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Putting myself in his shoes, I know that its very hard to raise a family during these trying times. And considering his background, he was able to hold a prominent position in an NGO and now he's back in our hometown trying to establish his businesses most of which did not yield any profit, life wasn't very easy on him. Maybe that's the reason why he resorted to his vices - to be able to escape reality for a while. In the long run, this kind of life wouldn't be good for his health. I've tried various ways of convincing him - writing a research paper about the ill effects of smoking, talking to him about it, trying the technique of reverse psychology - all to no avail. My last hope was a community who would support him and understand what he's going through. After four years of waiting, it finally came during the time when I least expect it. The CFC couples conducted a 3-day retreat for the parents in our school which served as their entrypoint to the community. My father did not change overnight but Im so thankful to notice small changes in him. Truly, God cannot be outdone in His faithfulness.. The verse in Mt. 7:7 always comes to mind whenever I reflect on this blessing.. "Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find. Knock and the door will be opened to you."

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

gentle reminders

another one of my journal entries. i must have read quite a number of self-help books and everything came tumbling into this article. this is what I believe in. I know these are tough rules to follow but at the very least, im struggling real hard to live with them..

5 September 2006
Journal Entry

Practice the habit of thinking out of the box. Do not conform with the way of the world. Do not be contented with the norm. Strive for excellence in whatever you do - acads, work, service, relationships. Do not settle for mediocrity. If you can still do something to improve your work, do it. It will pay off in the long run. Your creator deserves far better than your mediocre results. You were given many talents, blessings and opportunities - uose them all for the glory of God.

Save for the future. Learn to live within your means and allot a little part for savings. But don't forget your tithes. Give to the Lord with a cheerful heart. Give to your neighbors in any way you can.

Do not be shortsighted. See beyond your comfort zones. Live on the edge. Do not be complacent. Keep the fire burning. Never lose hope that there will be a better tomorrow, if you'll only believe. Keep the faith always.

Count your blessings and be grateful for it. Learn to share it with those who are in need of your love. Be instruments of peace. Show people that you truly care. In building relationships with them, be sincere. Integrity matters a lot.

Know your non-negotiables and live with it. Do not compromise always. Learn to take a stand but broaden your understanding of other people's viewpoint. Learn to say NO.

Keep your pride in check. Remember, you're just an instrument. Rein in your jealousy, envy and malicious thoughts. They will get you nowhere. The longer you think about them, the more they control your actions. So stop these thoughts whenever you can.

Believe in the innate goodness of every human. You just have to believe it in order to see it in them. Give complements and stop criticizing. Your words can easily influence others so take note of what you spread around. Live by these mottos one day at a time with the Lord's grace... :-)

Divine inspiration...

20 January 2005
Journal Entry

Life is not all about pleasures. Experiences are meant to help you grow and strengthen you so that you can face future trials in your life. You have to make the conscious effort to overcome your weaknesses. Only after having done so will you be able to understand the reason behind the experience. Have faith, my child. Look towards the heaven. Do not be confined in this world. These are just temporary pursuits but they will aid you in your journey towards my kingdom. Do not lose hope. Trust me and trust yourself.

Monday, December 11, 2006

im back...

After a very long time, im back to blogging. I have so many things to write about that I don't know where to start. I guess I'll have to begin with my explanations for the blog lag. As usual, I got caught up with my acads stuff. Yes, Im learning a lot but I had to invest a lot of time with these things. I'm actually happy with psychology but I don't think I'll be able to complete my masters degree. If you'll ask me why? I think I'm just lazy to do my thesis.. pathetic eh?!? But I do have a lot of questions in mind.. Questions that I'd like to answer but I may not have the time and the stamina to pursue all of these and turn it into a full blown thesis.

And now, I'm planning to change courses.. hehe.. Looks like im heading nowhere. I guess I'm in a point where I want to learn and study everything that interests me. If only I didn't have to worry about working and earning money I'd like to learn a lot of things like the French language so that one day I'll be able to read French books. I'd also like to learn the formal way of dancing, whether jazz, ballroom, streetdance or even ballet. I think I can just go on dancing forever. For me, dancing is like flying with your feet planted on the ground but your spirit is soaring towards the skies. I'd also like to learn how to cook properly and discover new recipes. Oh, cooking for my family on Sundays would be very fulfilling for me. I'd like to have my very own state-of-the-art kitchen someday. That would be fun, fun, fun. I'd also like to learn how to play professional badminton so that I wouldn't get the feeling that I'm a disappointment to my badminton partner. Finally, I'd like to learn how to write properly. One way to do it would be to familiarize myself with the Elements of Style by Strunk and White. Another way would be to practice writing here in my blog.. :-)

See.. I have a lot of things to learn in this world and I don't know how I'm gonna get the resources or the time to do all these.. owel, Im not gonna worry about that for now. Im just happy that i'm finally back to blogging...