Tuesday, April 28, 2009

answered prayer

God truly has His ways of answering our prayers with His own perfect timing. After almost five years of being an "aliping sagigilid", my efforts are finally rewarded. I got promoted to another step in the civil service ladder. Yey! (music on: celebrate good times, come on!) Now, I don't have to sing Alanis' Hand in My Pocket and belting out the line, "I'm young and I'm underpaid!" for emphasis. This is a very welcome blessing because I've been praying for this in a long time and it came at a time when I least expect it. :)

Monday, April 27, 2009

superhuman [not]

The bittersweet feeling of first love and the lessons that came with it.

I realized that I'm not invincible after all, I'm still human and very much capable of loving. :) I thought I've become so indifferent to these feelings till it came to a point when I really thought I can ever have any romantic feelings for another person. Well, this experience proves otherwise. I can be happy, giddy and stupid for love. I can throw caution to the wind and live for the moment. But thankfully, I still have a good head on my shoulders and I was still able to think clearly. Although there were moments of indecision but thank God, the pragmatist in me prevailed.

Love has the effect of sometimes clouding my judgment and perception. I realize now that I must have fallen for an ideal image of him which I kept in my head and heart for the longest time, just waiting for an affirmation. And when he made just a tiny little gesture of affection, that image was affirmed. I realize now that I must not let this heady feeling cloud my judgment. I have to see things for what they are, and not for what I imagined them to be.

There are two sides to loving - being happy with the one you love and being hurt by that same person. One doesn't exist without the other. When you love, you open yourself to hurts and disappointments. That's the risk that you have to take. I took that risk and I came out of it alive. Yes, it was painful but I understood the situation. It was well worth the risk.

Never let go of your ideals. This is what kept me grounded and made me realize a few things. Be true to yourself and your feelings. Recognize the feelings, acknowledge them and feel them. Then, if its time to let go, move on. Know that you have a better life ahead of you.

A text message from a good friend sums it all:
The best part of being in love is when you just love a person and be happy about it, even if that person can never be yours, even if you know that it can't last forever. Its not about winning someone. Its not about owning a relationship. Its just about being happy because you just loved and loved unselfishly. :)

now, its time to move on...

Dive and Trek Adventure

I thought summer would just come and go without me having my day under the sun. But last Sunday, I went on a spur-of-the moment adventure and went snorkelling with newfound friends in Batangas. How did that happen? There's actually a short story behind it. A few weeks ago, my friend Joms invited me to an intro dive getaway with her SFC Meco chapter. Unfortunately, I opted not to go because it was the weekend before my final exam in Crim 2. I knew I'd be cramming by that time. However, I was reminded about the invite last Saturday when my housemate informed me that she's joining the group. I felt left out and since I was already feeling nauseated with all the crimes that I've been studying, I decided right then and there to join them. Alas, there was no more slot in the van for me. That's what I got for dilly-dallying on my decision. But that evening, Kring, another friend from YFC, invited me to have dinner with some good friends to celebrate her graduation. Since Joms was also invited, I asked her about their plans for Sunday and expressed my disappointment that I wouldn't be able to join them. By sheer coincidence, Kring and her friends are also going to the same island on that same day. So, I decided to tag along. :) And that's how I managed to break out of my routine and spent my Sunday in Batangas.

It was very liberating. I never realized how much I missed the outdoors until we were
travelling through SLEX. I really, really, love to travel but ever since I entered lost school, I didn't get to travel as often as I wanted to - for obvious reasons. So, I relished the thought that I wouldn't have to stay in my room the whole day trying to distinguish one crime from the other. I'm actually going on a diving adventure and road tripping with people I barely know. We left early, missed a few turns,got lost a few times but managed to get to our destination. What I love about this kind of adventure is that I didn't know what to expect. There's a certain level of thrill to that kind of uncertainty.

We went to Dive and Trek, a marine sanctuary in Batangas. Since Kring "knew" some people in the island, they allowed us to use their facilities for free. I actually wanted to try the intro dive but I didn't persist because there were a lot of people in the other group. Maybe I'll just try it next time. Well, we snorkelled the whole morning and I just loved the underwater scene. Another fascination in the island is a dog named Bogart. He's a brilliant retriever and I was amazed by his sheer size and his capacity to retrieve the water bottle, even diving under water.

We left the island around 2pm. But spontaneous plans are about to unfold. We had dinner at a Bulaluhan in Tagaytay with a splendid view of the Taal Lake. For dessert, we proceeded to Bag of Beans, which is a quaint coffee shop by the roadside. I love the ambience and the desserts were uberly yummy.

All in all, I had so much fun. Well, it was also an effective way of forgetting ;) I'm definitely going back next weekend.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Tribute to the Nice Girls

Got this from Thoughts on a Sunday and now I'm reposting it here.
By Jessica Leigh Griffith

This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don’t give it up on the first date, who don’t want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they’ve heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren’t perfect and that the guys they’re interested in aren’t either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe… maybe this time he’ll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don’t deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from “there are plenty of fish in the sea,” to “time heals all wounds.” This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it’s an experience that they don’t want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they’d rather not have experienced. This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn’t care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed. This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they’re too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This one’s for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won’t because it’s easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he’s just not ready, he’s just not over her, he’s just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it’s easier to believe that it’s not that they don’t want you, it’s that they don’t want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you’ve returned home alone, for the nights when you’ve seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he’s with to be a random hookup. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn’t that he didn’t want a relationship: it was that he didn’t want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he’d realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the “I really like you, so let’s still be friends” comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you’ve received from your female friends, for the nights they’ve reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you’d have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we’ve believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we’d have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisfied with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don’t think that they deserve more, because they’ve been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

This is what I don’t understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don’t appreciate them and don’t want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mind games, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call… and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the “stalker chick” you’d met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this “nice girl” who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you’re not looking for a nice girl. You’re not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intramural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you’re looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don’t say you’re on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won’t answer your catcalls, sometimes you’re looking at a nice girl in whore’s clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we’re all thinking the same thing: “This isn’t me. Tomorrow morning, I’ll be wearing a t-shirt and flannel shorts, I’ll have slept alone and I’ll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me.” You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don’t want the nice girl.. so don’t say you’re looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we’re willing to extend - - but in return, we’re looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they’re running they’re chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets… the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congratulatory hug (and yes, if she’s a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won’t matter), hoping against hope that maybe you’ll realize that they’re the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.

So maybe it won’t last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we’re waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat (because what’s a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?)

Monday, April 20, 2009

Thought for the Day

Go for someone who's not only proud and glad to have you,

but will also take every risk and effort just to be with you.

Friday, April 10, 2009


I'm so sorry for the uber-delayed post. I just got home from the hospital yesterday. As much as I wanted to blog about my confinement experience while cooped up in my hospital bed, I couldn't summon enough strength to type a few words. I swear, those painkillers and antibiotics are draining the life out of me. But now, I know better. Its just a certain painkiller which causes the knockouts and I'm not taking any tablet if I can tolerate the pain.

Now, for a blow by blow account.

Last week, I consulted the doc about some skin problem that has been bothering me for the past few months and she recommended a minor surgery. Actually, it was my friend Star, who diagnosed the ailment and suggested the remedy which I abhorred. Since this ailment has become bothersome, I arranged to have the surgery last Tuesday so that I'll have enough time to recuperate. I had to say goodbye to my snorkelling plans somewhere in Batangas.

Tuesday morning came and I dragged myself to St. Luke's. Nobody was able to accompany me but all the nurses were asking if I had somebody with me. I'd like to say that I'm an independent woman and I don't need anybody. But this retort is uncalled for so I just assured me that my siblings and some officemates would be with me later in the afternoon.

It was my first time to be admitted in a hospital and it was kinda spooky. They hooked me up to an IV at around 2pm. I was just lying in that hospital bed like a pig waiting to be slaughtered. Then, I was rolled into the OR around 6:30, they injected me with the anesthesia and then there was darkness. I woke up around 10pm then they rolled me into my room.

After the operation, I felt like a bulldozer just ran through me and I was too groggy from the anesthesia and the medicines. I wouldn't want to go through that experience again. I was supposed to move out by Wednesday but they told me to wait for my doctor. She came by around 7pm and spent less than a minute with me. So much for doctor's courtesy. At least she gave me a clean bill of health, so by Thursday morning I was out of the hospital. I didn't want to stay there for another minute because the hospital atmosphere was draining the life out of me.

Even if the experience was not very pleasant, it gave me time to think and be thankful for the blessings that God gave me. It made me realize that I'm blessed with caring and thoughtful siblings who were willing to stick by me during my weakest moments when I can barely fend for myself. They didn't go all yucky on me when I was groping for a plastic bag so that I can vomit. They didn't mind sleeping in the sofa just to keep watch over me. I really felt loved and cared for, especially with the constant texts and calls from my parents who were deeply concerned. Nothing can really surpass the unconditional love of a family.

One thing's for sure, I'm never ever admitting myself again in a hospital for a very loooooonnnnnnnngggggg time.., :)

Monday, April 6, 2009

Taonglangit in Tinuy-an Falls

Are you wondering why this Little Niagara Falls made it to the top of my list?

Siyempre, this is the pride of Bislig City, my very own hometown. Personal bias aside, I do think this is the most majestic falls I've ever seen and its definitely worth visiting.

For those of you who did not know that Bislig even existed, it is located at the southeastern coast of Mindanao facing the Pacific Ocean, Bislig is 158 kms south of Butuan, 152 kms south of Tandag City, and 208 kilometers northeast of Davao City.

Tinuy-an Falls is a spectacular multi-tiered falls, three levels of which can easily be seen while a fourth one is hidden from view. It rises majestically to a height of a four-story building and a breathtaking width of 95 meters - said to be the widest in the country. It is nestled in a tropical rainforest with towering, century-old trees and exotic flora and fauna surrounding it. Why do i know all these? Because my brother is doing his landscape architecture thesis on Tinuy-an Falls and the WHOLE family is involved. :)Now, let me show you the various facets of this Little Niagara.

Visitors can also lounge around this makeshift bridge and admire the beauty of Tinuy-an.

Tinuyo-an or Tinuy-an is a native vernacular which means an intentional act or performance to attain an objective or goal. Legend revealed that long before, the Magdiwata Mountain settlers were enslaved by cruel tribesmen coming from hinterlands of Agusan. They were forced to hunt with their masters, construct barotos (small boats) and perform forced manual labor. Tired of being slaves, one day while rowing the barotos boarded by their cruel masters, they intentionally shoved the barotos towards the waterfalls killing all their cruel masters.
What a tragic story but maybe there's some truth to it. One can be easily engulfed by the downward pressure from the falls.
I think Tinuy-an or Tinuyoan is an appropriate name. Since its a secluded area, one has to exert herculean efforts (okay, that's an exaggeration) just to get to this place. One has to really intend it (tinuyoan). But once you get there, its all worth it. You can just gaze in awe and thank God for this beautiful creation.

ayan ka na naman...

Kala ko ba goodbye na
Bakit ngayon bumabalik ka?
Kala ko ba its better this way
Bakit ngayon nagpaparamdam ka uli?
Kala ko ba we just have to keep things simple
Bakit ngayon nalilito na naman ako?


Why do things have to be so complicated?

Di Na Natuto
Gary Valenciano

nand'yan ka na naman
tinutukso-tukso ang aking puso
ilang ulit na bang
iniiwasan ka di na natuto

sulyap ng 'yong mata
laging nadarama kahit malayo, ooh
nahihirapan na
lalapit-lapit pa di na natuto

isang ngiti mo lang
at ako'y napapaamo
yakapin mong minsan
ay muling magbabalik sa'yo

na walang kalaban-laban
ang puso ko'y tanging iyo lamang

o eto na naman
laging nananabik ang aking puso,
muling bumabalik
sa 'yong mga halik
di na natuto


isang ngiti mo lang
at ako'y napapaamo (woh...)
yakapin mong minsan
ay muling magbabalik sa'yo

na walang kalaban-laban
ang puso ko'y tanging iyo lamang


isang ngiti mo lang
at ako'y napapaamo (woh...)
yakapin mong minsan
ay muling magbabalik sa'yo

na walang kalaban-laban
ang puso ko'y tanging iyo lamang
ang puso ko'y tanging iyo lamang

Di Na Natuto - Gary Valenciano

Thursday, April 2, 2009

so blessed!

Today, I learned another lesson in generosity.

Do not be afraid to give, even if you think you don't have enough, even if it hurts. When you give, He will return it to you a thousand-fold. You just have to learn how to part with your material things, so that He can fill your life with more blessings.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

April Fools

I have to undergo an operation next Tuesday. :(

You think I'm kidding? I hope I am, but I'm not. This is something that I've been putting off for the longest time and next week is the perfect opportunity for me to haul myself to the hospital. As much as I want to make myself believe that its just a minor operation, I can't help feeling afraid.

Please Lord, give me strength :)