The bittersweet feeling of first love and the lessons that came with it.
I realized that I'm not invincible after all, I'm still human and very much capable of loving. :) I thought I've become so indifferent to these feelings till it came to a point when I really thought I can ever have any romantic feelings for another person. Well, this experience proves otherwise. I can be happy, giddy and stupid for love. I can throw caution to the wind and live for the moment. But thankfully, I still have a good head on my shoulders and I was still able to think clearly. Although there were moments of indecision but thank God, the pragmatist in me prevailed.
Love has the effect of sometimes clouding my judgment and perception. I realize now that I must have fallen for an ideal image of him which I kept in my head and heart for the longest time, just waiting for an affirmation. And when he made just a tiny little gesture of affection, that image was affirmed. I realize now that I must not let this heady feeling cloud my judgment. I have to see things for what they are, and not for what I imagined them to be.
There are two sides to loving - being happy with the one you love and being hurt by that same person. One doesn't exist without the other. When you love, you open yourself to hurts and disappointments. That's the risk that you have to take. I took that risk and I came out of it alive. Yes, it was painful but I understood the situation. It was well worth the risk.
Never let go of your ideals. This is what kept me grounded and made me realize a few things. Be true to yourself and your feelings. Recognize the feelings, acknowledge them and feel them. Then, if its time to let go, move on. Know that you have a better life ahead of you.
A text message from a good friend sums it all:
The best part of being in love is when you just love a person and be happy about it, even if that person can never be yours, even if you know that it can't last forever. Its not about winning someone. Its not about owning a relationship. Its just about being happy because you just loved and loved unselfishly. :)
now, its time to move on...