silencio

I was invited to a retreat last weekend. I didn't really know what the retreat was all about but I thought I really needed a break so I decided to join anyway. Apparently, the retreat, which was sponsored by Notre Dame de Vie, was all about prayer symbolically represented by quenching one's thirst by meeting Jesus at the well.

It was a new experience for me since the community espouses the importance of silence within the halls of the retreat house. They believe that one can be in communion with the Spirit through silence. For someone who really loves to talk, it was awkward at first. But after a while, silence becomes your company - in everything that you do, like eating, washing the dishes, walking, etc.

There was one session facilitated by Fr. Em (short for Emmanuel) which was all about prayer. Initially, i thought i already knew everything there is to know about prayer. I mean, at a very young age I was already taught how to pray. By sharing the story about Jesus and the Samaritan woman, Fr. Em presented a new aspect about prayer, which gave me food for thought throughout the retreat. Here are a few points that he raised:

- In order to pray, one must have the will to pray. One must learn how to pray.
- According to St. Therese of Avila, prayer is nothing else than the close sharing between friends. This means taking time frequently to be alone with him whom we know loves us.
- Each encounter with Jesus is a prayer.
- Notice that Jesus met the Samaritan woman at a well in the outskirts of the town. This could mean that if you want to have a special encounter with Jesus, you need to get out of the noise.
- It is also possible to meet Jesus daily, even in ordinary places.
- There was also a verse about Jesus becoming very tired from the journey - he can empathize with our weaknesses.
- One doesn't have to wait until you feel worthy in order to pray. Even sinners can meet Jesus in prayer.
- In the dialogue between Jesus and the women, both friends are thirsty when they came to the well. Jesus starts the dialogue in prayer. And he is waiting for you at the well.
- Its a comforting thought that God desires us and prayer is an encounter of God's thirst for us.
- When he asked the woman to give him a drink, it was the love of the woman that he was seeking. Jesus is thirsty for our love.
- Love is giving and receiving. We just have to allow God to love us. God is waiting for someone who will accept his love.
- For us to accept his love, we have to enter into the covenant and open up our hearts to him. Although, God respects your will to accept or reject his love.
- St. John of the Cross declares that: "It should be known that if a person is seeking God, his beloved is seeking him more."
- The Holy Spirit is the living water.
- There are several wellsprings of faith such as the Word of God and liturgical prayer within us. Faith is something that belongs to us. It can also be a talent that one can exercise through actions. Do your little acts of faith and at the end of the dialogue, Jesus reveals himself.
- We cannot measure God's presence according to our own feelings.
- True adoration is the movement of body and soul. ad- to want and oration-oral. It is an act of bringing or giving oneself to God and to come to him in a free and personal way.
- If you want to discern your vocation, start doing / fulfilling your eternal vocation and your practical vocation will be revealed.


Let me end this with three statements. I came... I saw... I left..
I came... not knowing what to expect from the retreat.
I saw... a different aspect of prayer and a contemplative attitude towards it. I realized that a lot of people are also thirsting for more of Him, including me. And our thirst can only be quenched in prayer.
I left... with a lighter bounce to my step knowing that my God is just waiting for me to come to him in prayer.

affirmations

undated journal entry

I was feeling kinda low at that time and I just thought of jotting down something in my journal. My hands couldn't stop writing and I can barely read my handwriting. My persistent question at that time was, What do you want to say Lord?

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Repent and I will forgive your sins. Come back to me and I will bless you and your family. Keep strong. Plans. Do not be afraid of the Spirit. Let Him guide you and inspire you as you continue living your life for me. Keep him in your heart always. I feel hurt when you deny me, when you don't stand up for me. Be confident in my love for you. Do not think about what other people think. What matters most is my opinion of you. I sent my Son to go against that - to prove that one can be capable of laying His life for the people for the sake of love. Claim my promises - that I will use you as my instrument, that I will prosper your plans. Repent now. I have shown you many signs. I have spoken to you many times. I introduced myself to you. I'm teaching you of a new and radical way to live your earthly life. All of these material things will come to pass but my love will last forever. So be wise in your decisions. I have called you to my Kingdom time and time again. Invite me into your life. Allow me to bless you. Hold on to my words and my promises. Do not doubt me. I alone can change your life. Obey me. Keep my words in your heart. Tell other people about me - do not be afraid to speak out. Don't be afraid of ridicules. Remember that you're doing it for your Lord. I want you to be with me in my kingdom forever. Keep the strength. Open your senses - I'm performing small miracles everyday to remind you of the heavenly kingdom, when you will rest with me forever. Don't be stuck in this world. I love you son. I love you my daughter. Don't waste this one time chance that I gave you. Don't be lazy. Make haste for your time is drawing near. Call to the Holy Spirit for help. I am sending him to you. Do not lack faith. Believe. Believe always. Say this to yourself many times. Believe in me. Believe in all the things that happened in the past, of what's happening at present and what will happen in the future. I

inspired!

I haven't written anything in a while. Yes, there were times when I really wanted to write something but I just didn't have the right words to describe my experiences. But, right now, I just feel so happy.. inspired even.. :-) hehe.. sheez, I just can't seem to wipe this smile off my face. Owel, i don't wanna dwell too much on the reason behind this sudden inspiration. Maybe I'll discuss it in my future posts. ;-)

Anyway, today is MDS's 62nd birthday. And for the second time, she spent it in PGH, in time for the inauguration of the medical wards that she donated to the said hospital through her PDAF. According to her, instead of allocating the funds to public works projects where the DPWH gets a huge chunk of the budget, she'd rather give it to the PGH for additional medical equipments - in turn, she would be able to help the 600,000 patients who avail of the hospital's services annually. Its not everyday that you get to see a politician like that. Although she has her moods, I really admire her courage and determination to change a lot of things in this country. It might seem like she failed, considering the current state of our nation, but one should never discount the impact of her deeds on the people's psyche. Maybe that's one of the reason why I've stayed with her all these years (3 years on the job come July). And I really love it when she ends her speech with these lines from William Henley's Invictus:

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul!

limbo

I feel like I'm floating in a limbo. I don't know where I'm going but I know I have a lot of things to do - I just can't find the motivation to move and perform. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed with a lot of things - family concerns, work (and the lack of motivation to work), community service, business sideline. I feel like well, floating.......

busy weekend

I really can't get enough of the weekend. I got so many things to do, people to meet, books to read and opportunities to grab. For starters, last Friday, I attended a grad party hosted by my high school batchmate at a bar in Malate. After 7 years in college, she finally graduated with a degree in Dentistry and I'm very happy for her. Its been a long time since I mingled with this kind of crowd and I felt out of place. I'm not much of a drinker so I gotta limit my drinks to 1 or 2 bottles of beer. But it was great to see another high school batchmate who was "hiding" from us all this time. I really love it when i meet old friends and chat with them again.

The night after, Saturday night, we arranged a mini-reunion for our high school batchmates. The mini-reunion was composed of 6 batchmates and 1 girlfriend. Owel, at least we enjoyed each other's stories and we lasted till the wee hours of the morning. Too bad for me coz I had to get up early for the Sunday Feast. After which, I had to meet my upline in the network business that I joined. And I had to stay up late coz I had to wait for my bro and sis. Whew, full house.

Network Twenty One

I finally made the big move. I joined Network Twenty One, which is the marketing arm of Amway Corp. Its actually a networking company. Oopps, I can see you raising your eyebrows. Yeah, yeah, you might think its bogus or an impending scam. But I've thought about this long and hard. Honestly, I'm not in it for the money but for the education that I can get from their business seminars. The type of education that I can use for my own business in the future. Actually, I've been skeptical about joining networking businesses since I joined one last 2004. It seems like easy money that's why many people are attracted to it. However, Network Twenty One offers a comprehensive educational program which teaches you the basics about sales, marketing, personal development and the like. And that's what I'd like to learn. I don't know much about it yet but I'm very much willing to learn and see how effective their programs are. So, I guess you'll be reading about my experiences in this business for the coming days.

Thinking Rich

My life has just been revitalized by a book. I just finished reading Robert Kiyosaki's Rich Dad, Poor Dad and it really changed my perspective on things especially about money. It shattered a lot of misconceptions and made me think about this rat race that I've been living for the past 3 years. My ultimate goal would be to get out of this rat race and make my money work for me.

In order to get started, I developed several short term goals like:
1. join a networking company so that I would be exposed to the world of sales and learn how to establish a network of people which would be my biggest asset
2. apply for a part time job as a real estate agent in order to learn the trade of investing in real estate properties
3. keep my daytime job so that I'll still have a steady income while I'm building my business networks; i'll probably resign early next year

I know I still have a long way to go but I'm very positive about all these plans.

au revoir for now..

I'm just squeezing this into my otherwise busy schedule. I'll be leaving for davao at 4am tomorrow. Weeehhh.. I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it. hehe.. but going home means I wouldn't be able to post my thoughts in this blog. But don't you worry, I'll just write in my journal whatever comes to my mind and I'll post it here once I get the chance.

So, au revoir for now mon amis. Je m'ennuierai de toi. Je vous verrai bientôt. Joyeux Noël et nouvelle année heureuse.

Dieu bénissent.

longing to be HOME....

Im so excited to go home.. 3 more nights and i'll be back in the company of my family. I only get this opportunity once a year and now I'll be maximizing my vacation coz I'll be on leave for a month. whew.. I guess that's enough time to get my bearings and acquaint myself once more with the neighborhood where I grew up. You see, for the past six years, I haven't stayed at home for more than two weeks. And during those times, I'm always out with friends or visiting some relatives. God, I really miss my home.. If it were not for the dusty and bumpy 6-hour ride, I would be going home everytime the airlines offer promo flights.

Another reason why I'm so excited to go home is to see for myself how the CFC community is growing in our hometown. You see, I've been praying and dreaming about this for the past 4 years. Ever since I joined YFC and experienced the loving embrace of brothers and sisters in the community, I always prayed that my parents, 2 brothers and 1 sister would be able to experience this feeling. Before I joined this community, I've always felt that there's nothing wrong with me. I'm just an ordinary Christian who attends mass every Sunday and prays to God regularly (thanks to my Catholic education). But then, I've never been so wrong about that. In this community, I realized that God is ever-present and ever faithful and that He has a divine plan for everybody - including me and my family. And I'm holding on to that assurance that someday, somehow the rest of my family will be able to realize that too..

I never knew that God had something up on His sleeve. For 4 years, I just kept on praying and hoping - but nothing happened. Nevertheless, I still pushed on with my service in the community - attending youth camps, joining the production numbers for the conferences, giving talks, and all that jazz. But at the back of my mind, I kept on wishing that someone would be doing the same thing in my hometown. Recently, my fervent hope became more of a mantra. We've been having minor problems with my dad and his vices. And these problems escalated to a level which me and my siblings cannot tolerate anymore. I don't wanna put him in a negative light. Its just that I'm overly concerned for my siblings who are in their formative years. But I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Putting myself in his shoes, I know that its very hard to raise a family during these trying times. And considering his background, he was able to hold a prominent position in an NGO and now he's back in our hometown trying to establish his businesses most of which did not yield any profit, life wasn't very easy on him. Maybe that's the reason why he resorted to his vices - to be able to escape reality for a while. In the long run, this kind of life wouldn't be good for his health. I've tried various ways of convincing him - writing a research paper about the ill effects of smoking, talking to him about it, trying the technique of reverse psychology - all to no avail. My last hope was a community who would support him and understand what he's going through. After four years of waiting, it finally came during the time when I least expect it. The CFC couples conducted a 3-day retreat for the parents in our school which served as their entrypoint to the community. My father did not change overnight but Im so thankful to notice small changes in him. Truly, God cannot be outdone in His faithfulness.. The verse in Mt. 7:7 always comes to mind whenever I reflect on this blessing.. "Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find. Knock and the door will be opened to you."

gentle reminders

another one of my journal entries. i must have read quite a number of self-help books and everything came tumbling into this article. this is what I believe in. I know these are tough rules to follow but at the very least, im struggling real hard to live with them..

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5 September 2006
Journal Entry

Practice the habit of thinking out of the box. Do not conform with the way of the world. Do not be contented with the norm. Strive for excellence in whatever you do - acads, work, service, relationships. Do not settle for mediocrity. If you can still do something to improve your work, do it. It will pay off in the long run. Your creator deserves far better than your mediocre results. You were given many talents, blessings and opportunities - uose them all for the glory of God.

Save for the future. Learn to live within your means and allot a little part for savings. But don't forget your tithes. Give to the Lord with a cheerful heart. Give to your neighbors in any way you can.

Do not be shortsighted. See beyond your comfort zones. Live on the edge. Do not be complacent. Keep the fire burning. Never lose hope that there will be a better tomorrow, if you'll only believe. Keep the faith always.

Count your blessings and be grateful for it. Learn to share it with those who are in need of your love. Be instruments of peace. Show people that you truly care. In building relationships with them, be sincere. Integrity matters a lot.

Know your non-negotiables and live with it. Do not compromise always. Learn to take a stand but broaden your understanding of other people's viewpoint. Learn to say NO.

Keep your pride in check. Remember, you're just an instrument. Rein in your jealousy, envy and malicious thoughts. They will get you nowhere. The longer you think about them, the more they control your actions. So stop these thoughts whenever you can.

Believe in the innate goodness of every human. You just have to believe it in order to see it in them. Give complements and stop criticizing. Your words can easily influence others so take note of what you spread around. Live by these mottos one day at a time with the Lord's grace... :-)

Divine inspiration...

20 January 2005
Journal Entry

Life is not all about pleasures. Experiences are meant to help you grow and strengthen you so that you can face future trials in your life. You have to make the conscious effort to overcome your weaknesses. Only after having done so will you be able to understand the reason behind the experience. Have faith, my child. Look towards the heaven. Do not be confined in this world. These are just temporary pursuits but they will aid you in your journey towards my kingdom. Do not lose hope. Trust me and trust yourself.

im back...

After a very long time, im back to blogging. I have so many things to write about that I don't know where to start. I guess I'll have to begin with my explanations for the blog lag. As usual, I got caught up with my acads stuff. Yes, Im learning a lot but I had to invest a lot of time with these things. I'm actually happy with psychology but I don't think I'll be able to complete my masters degree. If you'll ask me why? I think I'm just lazy to do my thesis.. pathetic eh?!? But I do have a lot of questions in mind.. Questions that I'd like to answer but I may not have the time and the stamina to pursue all of these and turn it into a full blown thesis.

And now, I'm planning to change courses.. hehe.. Looks like im heading nowhere. I guess I'm in a point where I want to learn and study everything that interests me. If only I didn't have to worry about working and earning money I'd like to learn a lot of things like the French language so that one day I'll be able to read French books. I'd also like to learn the formal way of dancing, whether jazz, ballroom, streetdance or even ballet. I think I can just go on dancing forever. For me, dancing is like flying with your feet planted on the ground but your spirit is soaring towards the skies. I'd also like to learn how to cook properly and discover new recipes. Oh, cooking for my family on Sundays would be very fulfilling for me. I'd like to have my very own state-of-the-art kitchen someday. That would be fun, fun, fun. I'd also like to learn how to play professional badminton so that I wouldn't get the feeling that I'm a disappointment to my badminton partner. Finally, I'd like to learn how to write properly. One way to do it would be to familiarize myself with the Elements of Style by Strunk and White. Another way would be to practice writing here in my blog.. :-)

See.. I have a lot of things to learn in this world and I don't know how I'm gonna get the resources or the time to do all these.. owel, Im not gonna worry about that for now. Im just happy that i'm finally back to blogging...

rainy day blues

times like these, you get the lazy feeling to just lounge and bum around.. unfortunately for me, gotta work! im being paid by the government to accomplish my tasks. after having done my mundane tasks, i just wanna write.. about nothing really. there are just some things in my mind that i wanted written down.. hmm, i wonder when i'll get the chance to do just that. oh well, i guess i just have to use my time wisely so that i can WRITE. who knows, i might publish my thoughts in my very own blogspot.. until then, ciao!

weeh.. 1st time to blog

la lang, still trying to find out how this thing works or what purpose will it serve in my colorful existence.. but then, for lack of anything better to do in the workplace, decided to go ahead with it and create my very own blogspot.. amazing!

and since this is my first time to blog, it would be better to get to know myself better and for others out there who are unfortunate enough to reach this page, you can delve into my otherwise complex personality.. at this point in my life, i consider myself to be a true blue yuppie.. but i believe, i still can't get past the adjustment stage. you see, its a very big step getting to where i am now. i consider it as the ultimate jump in crossing beyond my borders and leaving my comfort zones behind.. and here i am now.. working for one of the "august" body of men and women who have great responsibilities in shaping the course of the nation.. i'm working for a pretty demanding boss who expects a lot from her staff and we are under constant pressure to meet her expectations. still haven't got any clue who my boss is? try reading the newspapers and you'll see her there, exposes after exposes..

well, so much about her, this was supposed to be about me.. at this point, im enjoying my life and celebrating my singlehood.. i have a pretty stable job and lots of extracurricular activities.. goin to places i haven't seen and meeting lots of people.. i believe there's a very big world out there just waiting to be discovered and conquered and betcha i will.. so much for now, gotta head home.. :)