Whatta loooonnnggg day!

I'm writing this entry at the back of a truck under the pouring rain and waiting for Miranda's turn to speak at a Nacionalista rally so that we can go home. This has beena very long day. I was already in the office at 5am so that we can start our postering in Bulacan and finish early. Well, we left early but it took us a long time to mount those posters at the rally site. Which means that we are already way behind our schedule. We had to alight and board the truck every kilometer so that we can put up the posters. Haaaay. Super draining. And just when we thought that its time to go home, the boss called for us to stay for the rally and wait for them so that we can load the ladder at the back of a truck. And that's how i ended up in my current situation. As much as i would like to rant and curse, i can't because i perfectly understand the situation. Everybody's under extreme pressure right now and i wouldn't want to add to that. So, all i can do now is wait for this torture to end. I know that some of my officemates have been through worse situations so i must bear this suffering with tolerance. After all, one more week to go and we'll know the verdict.

Pure Imagination

Last night, I watched Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium (2007). I don't know if it was the movie or my current emotional state but I was like a psychotic while watching the movie - crying and laughing at the same time. It touched my inner childhood - with all those magical toys and what-nots. I was transported back to the time when I used to believe that fairies would come out from magic roses when they bloom at midnight and that dwarves lived beneath our house. I also loved the movie lines that's why I'm posting it on this blog.

Will I watch it again? Definitely yes.

 

Mr. Edward Magorium: [to Molly, about dying] When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written "He dies." That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is "He dies." It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "He dies." And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "He dies." but because of the life we saw prior to the words.
[pause, walks over to Molly]
Mr. Edward Magorium: I've lived all five of my acts, Mahoney, and I am not asking you to be happy that I must go. I'm only asking that you turn the page, continue reading... and let the next story begin. And if anyone asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest "He died."
Molly Mahoney: [starting to sob] I love you.
Mr. Edward Magorium: I love you, too.
[picks Molly up, sighs heavily]
Mr. Edward Magorium: Your life is an occasion. Rise to it. 



Eric Applebaum, the Hat Collector: All stories, even the ones we love, must eventually come to an end and when they do, it's only an opportunity for another story to begin.

Mr. Edward Magorium: 37 seconds.
Molly Mahoney: Great. Well done. Now we wait.
Mr. Edward Magorium: No. We breathe. We pulse. We regenerate. Our hearts beat. Our minds create. Our souls ingest. 37 seconds, well used, is a lifetime. 

Eric Applebaum, the Hat Collector: [while narrating] What Mahoney needed was the opportunity to prove to herself that she was something more than she believed.

Mr. Edward Magorium: We must face tomorrow, whatever it may hold, with determination, joy and bravery 

As Einstein Saw It

I'm not an atheist and I don't think I can call myself a pantheist. We are in the position of a little child entering a huge library filled with books in many different languages. The child knows someone must have written those books. It does not know how. The child dimly suspects a mysterious order in the arrangement of the books but doesn't know what it is. That, it seems to me, is the attitude of even the most intelligent human being toward God.

                                                                                                  —Albert Einstein

I chanced upon this essay by no less than the great Albert Einstein and I was truly inspired by what he wrote that's why I'm posting it here verbatim.


"How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he sometimes thinks he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people -- first of all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our own happiness is wholly dependent, and then for the many, unknown to us, to whose destinies we are bound by the ties of sympathy. A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving...

"I have never looked upon ease and happiness as ends in themselves -- this critical basis I call the ideal of a pigsty. The ideals that have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth. Without the sense of kinship with men of like mind, without the occupation with the objective world, the eternally unattainable in the field of art and scientific endeavors, life would have seemed empty to me. The trite objects of human efforts -- possessions, outward success, luxury -- have always seemed to me contemptible.
"My passionate sense of social justice and social responsibility has always contrasted oddly with my pronounced lack of need for direct contact with other human beings and human communities. I am truly a 'lone traveler' and have never belonged to my country, my home, my friends, or even my immediate family, with my whole heart; in the face of all these ties, I have never lost a sense of distance and a need for solitude..."

"My political ideal is democracy. Let every man be respected as an individual and no man idolized. It is an irony of fate that I myself have been the recipient of excessive admiration and reverence from my fellow-beings, through no fault, and no merit, of my own. The cause of this may well be the desire, unattainable for many, to understand the few ideas to which I have with my feeble powers attained through ceaseless struggle. I am quite aware that for any organization to reach its goals, one man must do the thinking and directing and generally bear the responsibility. But the led must not be coerced, they must be able to choose their leader. In my opinion, an autocratic system of coercion soon degenerates; force attracts men of low morality... The really valuable thing in the pageant of human life seems to me not the political state, but the creative, sentient individual, the personality; it alone creates the noble and the sublime, while the herd as such remains dull in thought and dull in feeling.  
"This topic brings me to that worst outcrop of herd life, the military system, which I abhor... This plague-spot of civilization ought to be abolished with all possible speed. Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I hate them!

"The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science. Whoever does not know it and can no longer wonder, no longer marvel, is as good as dead, and his eyes are dimmed. It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion. A knowledge of the existence of something we cannot penetrate, our perceptions of the profoundest reason and the most radiant beauty, which only in their most primitive forms are accessible to our minds: it is this knowledge and this emotion that constitute true religiosity. In this sense, and only this sense, I am a deeply religious man... I am satisfied with the mystery of life's eternity and with a knowledge, a sense, of the marvelous structure of existence -- as well as the humble attempt to understand even a tiny portion of the Reason that manifests itself in nature."

Beds are Burning

In celebration of Earth Day, I'm listing down taften things that I am doing (which you can do too) in order to minimize my carbon footprint and help save Mother Earth.

1. Wherever I go, I always bring my water bottle with me so that I wouldn't have to buy bottled water or ask for a styro cup to drink from. Tipid na sa bulsa, environment friendly pa.
2. Aside from taking navy showers, I also use the trusty pail and dipper to ensure that the water does not flow freely. Oh, and I make sure that the faucet is completely sealed off before I step out of the bathroom.
3. Whenever I go shopping, I decline the use of plastic bags if I can shove all the things that I bought into my bag.
4. I throw my garbage in its proper place - the trash can. If no trash can is in sight, then I can just put it in my bag pocket. Now, you can just imagine how the inside of my bag looks like. ;)
5. I rarely photocopy my readings, instead I borrow the readings of my officemate who took up the class before me.Through this technique, I've been able to save thousands of pesos.
6. If I need to print something which I don't have to submit to the boss or the professor, I print it on recycled paper.
7.When I leave the office, I ensure that all the electric cords are unplugged. Iwas sunog na, tipid kuryente pa.
8. I replaced  the bulb of my desktop lamp with a CFL (compact fluorescent) bulb. It lasts longer and consumes lesser electricity.
9. Turn off the lights when its not in use.
10. Since I don't have a choice, I always use the public transport like jeepneys, tricycles, and light rail trains.

Awareness is the first step in our quest to preserve Mother Earth. We need to be conscious of what we are doing to our surroundings. We are merely stewards of this creation and we need to take good care of it so that the future generation can still enjoy it. With that, I'll be leaving you with this song performed by various artists to promote climate change awareness.

Gradwait (*_*)

Nope, its not my graduation...yet! But these past few days, I've attended several graduation ceremonies where Miranda is the guest speaker. Its all part of the job but for me its not a chore because it has been my current source of inspiration. ;) These students are lucky because they have an eloquent and inspiring speaker. As for me, I can barely recall the speech delivered by Vice Presidential candidate Bayani Fernandoduring my own graduation.

Basically, she discusses three points in all her speeches.
1. How to prepare for the board exams
2. How to find a good spouse and build a happy marriage (paki-connect!)
3. How to live a good life

Preparing for the board exams
Here are some reminders which she always emphasize in her speeches. Some of them may sound cliche-ish but they are still very effective when applied.
1. Honesty is the best policy.
2.Cleanliness is next to godliness.
3. If at first you don't succeed, try again

"Concentration is the key to success and the key to concentration is silence."
I tried implementing this technique during my final exams. And I think that losing my cellphone helped me in attaining that level of silence which was needed to concentrate. Well, I don't know the results of my exam yet and I'm still keeping my fingers crossed. ;) I hope I'll remember this lesson when I prepare for THE BAR!

Finding a good spouse
According to Miranda, the secret to finding a good spouse is to find someone who has the same moral values as you do. Dapat pareho kayo ng pangarap sa buhay. Kumbaga, magka-wavelength kayo. ;)

Now, I wonder where I can find that elusive person. ;)

Living the good life
After buying your first house and your first car and earning your first million, it will all feel the same. These material riches won't give you genuine happiness. Miranda challenges the students to ponder on the three basic philosophical questions: Who am I? What am I doing here? Where I am going?


Well, they might be too young to be understand the full impact of these questions but I've been asking myself these questions for the past few years.Honestly, I haven't come up with a definite answer although I already have a vague conception of who I am and what I am doing here. But as to where I am going, I'm still undecided. ;) Suffice it to say that I'm still trying very hard to carve my own niche in this imperfect world.

The great adventure of life is to Learn. 
The nature of life is to Change. 
The purpose of life is to Grow. 

Of rallies and circuses

Last night, I attended my first ever political rally sponsored by the local officials of Valenzuela for the Nacionalista Party. The organizers estimated that they would be able to gather almost 20,000 people into that abandoned field. True enough, the whole area was filled to its full capacity proves that the event was well-organized. But the compliment ends there.

This whole political rally style of campaigning where you gather these people through incentives like cash, free meal, free entertainment and whatever else would motivate them to go - promotes a culture of mendicancy. Para silang naglilimos ng mga campaign materials - shirts, sun visors, ballpens, ballers at kung anu-ano pa. These people are willing to forgo the comforts of their homes and bring their whole family - ate, kuya and baby to the dusty field in exchange for those things.

Then they bring in the clowns/entertainers to provide these people with cheap thrills. The opening act was a mini-skit about a man and his "automated" sculpture who's willing to do anything that the host tells hims to do even if he is asked to go naked in front of all the people, old and children alike.

Those are just some observations from my experience last night. I don't want to get started on the politicians who don't even have a specific platform or even an aspiration to deliver quality public service to the people.

I wonder if this whole debacle will ever end. Its the classic chicken and egg situation. An uninformed electorate will vote for incompetent and even corrupt leaders who wants to bag a government position in order to save enough money for the next election. Maybe this is the reason why there's no effort from these politicians to inform and educate the voters about the real issues and their platforms.

We, the people, deserve the leaders that we vote for. Vote wisely!

Bye E!

Last Tuesday morning, some random pickpocket managed to get his hands into my bag and took my wallet and beloved E71. It was a fleeting incident, I never even noticed it until such time that I had to get my wallet from my bag and pay my fare. That's when I realized that I've been hoodwinked. It wouldn't have bothered me if he just stole my wallet but along with it, he took my phone :( A phone which I bought last November to replace my lost phone. A phone which I've grown to love because it has all the features I wanted - Office functions, PDF reader, camera, radio, wifi... you name it, E has it. ;) I felt dejected when I realized that it was also stolen. I didn't think I could survive without it. But I didn't allow that to get me down. I had too many things on my mind like the upcoming exams for me to worry about that. I figured God must be teaching me a lesson through this experience. Maybe I just had to isolate myself from this material gadgets. The UPSCAn motto comes to mind: Live simply, so that others may simply live. With that, I vowed that it would be my ultimate sacrifice for the Holy week. :)

Now, its been a week since I lost E and I'm surviving. I've grown to savor the "alone" moments when I'm physically and virtually alone because I never feel that when I have a phone since everybody's electronically connected. In retrospect, I had more time to focus on my studies. I only have my wandering thoughts to distract me - nothing else. I remember Miranda's wise words: Concentration is the key to success and the key to concentration is silence.

Maybe this is the lesson that I had to learn and relearn. Thanks to E!

Failure and Imagination

This speech has been circulating in the net since 2008 and I've read it several times. But today, I saw the video of that speech and I was really inspired by JK Rowling's message on the fringe benefits of failure and the importance of imagination. Its just a matter of changing one's perspective and attitude about failure. Some might see it as a major setback but it could probably be a blessing in disguise. And Ms. Rowling is certainly not a stranger to failures. She had to go through several failures to get to her superstar status.

On to the speech...

J.K. Rowling Speaks at Harvard Commencement from Harvard Magazine on Vimeo.

Text as delivered follows.
Copyright of JK Rowling, June 2008



President Faust, members of the Harvard Corporation and the Board of Overseers, members of the faculty, proud parents, and, above all, graduates.

The first thing I would like to say is ‘thank you.’ Not only has Harvard given me an extraordinary honour, but the weeks of fear and nausea I have endured at the thought of giving this commencement address have made me lose weight. A win-win situation! Now all I have to do is take deep breaths, squint at the red banners and convince myself that I am at the world’s largest Gryffindor reunion.

Delivering a commencement address is a great responsibility; or so I thought until I cast my mind back to my own graduation. The commencement speaker that day was the distinguished British philosopher Baroness Mary Warnock. Reflecting on her speech has helped me enormously in writing this one, because it turns out that I can’t remember a single word she said. This liberating discovery enables me to proceed without any fear that I might inadvertently influence you to abandon promising careers in business, the law or politics for the giddy delights of becoming a gay wizard.

You see? If all you remember in years to come is the ‘gay wizard’ joke, I’ve come out ahead of Baroness Mary Warnock. Achievable goals: the first step to self improvement.

Actually, I have wracked my mind and heart for what I ought to say to you today. I have asked myself what I wish I had known at my own graduation, and what important lessons I have learned in the 21 years that have expired between that day and this.

I have come up with two answers. On this wonderful day when we are gathered together to celebrate your academic success, I have decided to talk to you about the benefits of failure. And as you stand on the threshold of what is sometimes called ‘real life’, I want to extol the crucial importance of imagination.

These may seem quixotic or paradoxical choices, but please bear with me.

Looking back at the 21-year-old that I was at graduation, is a slightly uncomfortable experience for the 42-year-old that she has become. Half my lifetime ago, I was striking an uneasy balance between the ambition I had for myself, and what those closest to me expected of me.

I was convinced that the only thing I wanted to do, ever, was to write novels. However, my parents, both of whom came from impoverished backgrounds and neither of whom had been to college, took the view that my overactive imagination was an amusing personal quirk that would never pay a mortgage, or secure a pension. I know that the irony strikes with the force of a cartoon anvil, now.

So they hoped that I would take a vocational degree; I wanted to study English Literature. A compromise was reached that in retrospect satisfied nobody, and I went up to study Modern Languages. Hardly had my parents’ car rounded the corner at the end of the road than I ditched German and scuttled off down the Classics corridor.

I cannot remember telling my parents that I was studying Classics; they might well have found out for the first time on graduation day. Of all the subjects on this planet, I think they would have been hard put to name one less useful than Greek mythology when it came to securing the keys to an executive bathroom.

I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I cannot criticise my parents for hoping that I would never experience poverty. They had been poor themselves, and I have since been poor, and I quite agree with them that it is not an ennobling experience. Poverty entails fear, and stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticised only by fools.

What I feared most for myself at your age was not poverty, but failure.

At your age, in spite of a distinct lack of motivation at university, where I had spent far too long in the coffee bar writing stories, and far too little time at lectures, I had a knack for passing examinations, and that, for years, had been the measure of success in my life and that of my peers.

I am not dull enough to suppose that because you are young, gifted and well-educated, you have never known hardship or heartbreak. Talent and intelligence never yet inoculated anyone against the caprice of the Fates, and I do not for a moment suppose that everyone here has enjoyed an existence of unruffled privilege and contentment.

However, the fact that you are graduating from Harvard suggests that you are not very well-acquainted with failure. You might be driven by a fear of failure quite as much as a desire for success. Indeed, your conception of failure might not be too far from the average person’s idea of success, so high have you already flown.

Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears that my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.

Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea then how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.

So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.

Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies.

The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more than any qualification I ever earned.

So given a Time Turner, I would tell my 21-year-old self that personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life, though you will meet many people of my age and older who confuse the two. Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone’s total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes.

Now you might think that I chose my second theme, the importance of imagination, because of the part it played in rebuilding my life, but that is not wholly so. Though I personally will defend the value of bedtime stories to my last gasp, I have learned to value imagination in a much broader sense. Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans whose experiences we have never shared.

One of the greatest formative experiences of my life preceded Harry Potter, though it informed much of what I subsequently wrote in those books. This revelation came in the form of one of my earliest day jobs. Though I was sloping off to write stories during my lunch hours, I paid the rent in my early 20s by working at the African research department at Amnesty International’s headquarters in London.

There in my little office I read hastily scribbled letters smuggled out of totalitarian regimes by men and women who were risking imprisonment to inform the outside world of what was happening to them. I saw photographs of those who had disappeared without trace, sent to Amnesty by their desperate families and friends. I read the testimony of torture victims and saw pictures of their injuries. I opened handwritten, eye-witness accounts of summary trials and executions, of kidnappings and rapes.

Many of my co-workers were ex-political prisoners, people who had been displaced from their homes, or fled into exile, because they had the temerity to speak against their governments. Visitors to our offices included those who had come to give information, or to try and find out what had happened to those they had left behind.

I shall never forget the African torture victim, a young man no older than I was at the time, who had become mentally ill after all he had endured in his homeland. He trembled uncontrollably as he spoke into a video camera about the brutality inflicted upon him. He was a foot taller than I was, and seemed as fragile as a child. I was given the job of escorting him back to the Underground Station afterwards, and this man whose life had been shattered by cruelty took my hand with exquisite courtesy, and wished me future happiness.

And as long as I live I shall remember walking along an empty corridor and suddenly hearing, from behind a closed door, a scream of pain and horror such as I have never heard since. The door opened, and the researcher poked out her head and told me to run and make a hot drink for the young man sitting with her. She had just had to give him the news that in retaliation for his own outspokenness against his country’s regime, his mother had been seized and executed.

Every day of my working week in my early 20s I was reminded how incredibly fortunate I was, to live in a country with a democratically elected government, where legal representation and a public trial were the rights of everyone.

Every day, I saw more evidence about the evils humankind will inflict on their fellow humans, to gain or maintain power. I began to have nightmares, literal nightmares, about some of the things I saw, heard, and read.

And yet I also learned more about human goodness at Amnesty International than I had ever known before.

Amnesty mobilises thousands of people who have never been tortured or imprisoned for their beliefs to act on behalf of those who have. The power of human empathy, leading to collective action, saves lives, and frees prisoners. Ordinary people, whose personal well-being and security are assured, join together in huge numbers to save people they do not know, and will never meet. My small participation in that process was one of the most humbling and inspiring experiences of my life.

Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people’s places.

Of course, this is a power, like my brand of fictional magic, that is morally neutral. One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathise.

And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.

I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces leads to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the wilfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.

What is more, those who choose not to empathise enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy.

One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.

That is an astonishing statement and yet proven a thousand times every day of our lives. It expresses, in part, our inescapable connection with the outside world, the fact that we touch other people’s lives simply by existing.

But how much more are you, Harvard graduates of 2008, likely to touch other people’s lives? Your intelligence, your capacity for hard work, the education you have earned and received, give you unique status, and unique responsibilities. Even your nationality sets you apart. The great majority of you belong to the world’s only remaining superpower. The way you vote, the way you live, the way you protest, the pressure you bring to bear on your government, has an impact way beyond your borders. That is your privilege, and your burden.

If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped change. We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.

I am nearly finished. I have one last hope for you, which is something that I already had at 21. The friends with whom I sat on graduation day have been my friends for life. They are my children’s godparents, the people to whom I’ve been able to turn in times of trouble, people who have been kind enough not to sue me when I took their names for Death Eaters. At our graduation we were bound by enormous affection, by our shared experience of a time that could never come again, and, of course, by the knowledge that we held certain photographic evidence that would be exceptionally valuable if any of us ran for Prime Minister.

So today, I wish you nothing better than similar friendships. And tomorrow, I hope that even if you remember not a single word of mine, you remember those of Seneca, another of those old Romans I met when I fled down the Classics corridor, in retreat from career ladders, in search of ancient wisdom:
As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.
I wish you all very good lives.
Thank you very much.

RENT: The Musical

V-day is the day!

I was finally able to watch the musical which has been haunting me for years. Ever since I heard the song Seasons of Love, I was hooked to Rent. I LOVE everything about it - the music, the lyrics, the characters and the message of the whole production. Carpe Diem! Although its very tragic that Jonathan Larson was never able to witness the masterpiece that he created, I'm sure it has inspired a million lives, including mine. This year, I was invited to watch RENT, live in Manila, on Veeday. I enjoyed and savored every moment of it. And to refresh my memory, I'll be posting all the acts that I love including the lyrics so that I'll just check this post whenever i need my Rent fix.



Seasons of Love
Five hundrend twenty five thousand
six hundred minutes
Five hundrend twenty five thousand
moments so dear
Five hundrend twenty five thousand
six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year

In daylight, in sunsets, in midnights,
in cups of coffee, In inches, in miles
in laughter in strife,

In Five hundrend twenty five thousand
six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life

(chorus)
How about Love
how about love
how about love
measure in love
seasons of love
seasons of love

Five hundrend twenty five thousand
six hundred minutes
Five hundrend twenty five thousand
journeys to plan
Five hundrend twenty five thousand
six hundred minutes
how do you measure the life of a woman
or a man

In truth that she learned
or in times that he cried
In the bridges he burned
or the way that she died

Its time now to sing out
though the story never ends
lets celebrate remember a year
in the life of friends



Finale B (No Day but Today)
MARK
There is no future
There is no past

ROGER
Thank God this
Moment's no the last

MIMI & ROGER
There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret or
Life is yours to miss

ALL
No other road no other way
No day but today

WOMEN
I can't control
My destiny
I trust my soul
My only goal

MEN
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare

WOMEN
Is just to be
Without
You
The hand gropes
The ear hers
The pulse beats
Life goes on
But I'm gone

MEN
There's only now
There's only here
Give in to love
Or live in fear
No other path
No other way

WOMEN
'Cause I die
Without you
I die without you

MEN
No day but today

ALL
NO DAY BUT TODAY!!

One Song Glory / Light my Candle

The Love Letter

I saw this article in the Inquirer and it touched me to the core. Its the sweetest thing that a father can do for his daughter. Knowing that he cannot protect her from the joys and pains that loving may inevitably bring, he just had to express his gentle reminders through this letter so that his daughter would be better prepared for the rough ride ahead.

"If you dare to love someone whom you feel in your heart of hearts deserves such love, you will not regret it."

On to the letter...

Dearest Nicole,

Terminal, chronic presumptuousness is an ailment that is very hard to recover from, as the name of the condition implies, and especially as regards your unica hija.

I labor under the misimpression that you will heed the counsel of the years, my counsel, no matter how flawed it is, and that despite the many mistakes I have made in my life, you will find it worth your time to listen to your old man.

One caveat though: On the subject I am about to rant and rave, I am no expert, in fact I have stumbled, risen, and stumbled again, many times over. I have only the benefit of committing the same errors enough times to know that you learn only through your mistakes, and that the race goes not to the one who runs the fastest, but to the one who keeps on running.

** ** ** *
I cannot emphasize enough what I say here now: Love is a powerful thing, it's not just a romantic platitude to say that Love makes the world go round. It is a primeval, elemental force that all the wisest men in the world have not even begun to understand. It is like a potent talisman that unleashes tremendous power to a prudent user, but wreaks havoc to those who do not learn to harness its awesome strength.

Look anak, I'm not trying to be vague, pahocus-pocus sounding, or purposely trying to conjure obscure images of otherworldly powers. Love is very real, and very definitely life-changing. It literally creates and shapes destinies before our very eyes, so fundamentally that we take it for granted and are largely unaware of it.

By posing just three questions that have heretofore always remained at the back of your mind but which you've been itching to ask, I can show you how Love is related to almost all of them.

Probably the most obvious is: Despite the love that existed between your mother and me for many years, why did it not survive beyond your adolescence, for all its vaunted longevity and intensity?

The gift of love that has been generated and nurtured between two people is not enough to accept and allow its existence. To borrow from Peter Parker's Uncle Ben: With great love comes great responsibility. You have to recognize that--especially after the honeymoon phase of a relationship--you progress from the stage of being in love with to loving a person. I'm not saying your mother and I didn't do this, probably we just didn't do it long enough. For that I am truly sorry.

One good lesson though that we can cull from that is: Just because one and the other are destined to be together does not mean they will live happily ever after. In fact, a declaration (and affirmation) of love often signals the start of an adventure in dedicating one's life for your loved one.

I go to the second question you seem to have asked me in gestures and in phrases. Given his rather reckless adventures in romance, is your brother not loving too much, or too hard?

You may laugh at my response, but I think it may be the opposite. What he truly loves, he cannot possess. And to compensate for this, he turns to those companionships that will not reject him. Do you know what I mean? Rather than being rejected by what he considers pure, noble, and ideal, he prefers to dwell within the comfort zone of those who will accept him.

It sounds trite but it is often true. Men offer love for intimacy, while women provide intimacy in return for what they perceive is love. While women learn early enough not to extend expectations based on this reality, men take a little longer. But then again, for some reason, women, who I submit are smarter than men, seem to have a blind spot in matters of the heart. Both for your and my peace of mind, I sincerely hope you learn from the mistakes of your parents and heed the lessons of history.

On that note, you should probably just give your brother a little more time.

Which brings us to a third question, which you have asked in many forms: If it comes to such a point, do I follow my head or my heart, when I feel like falling in love with someone?

The only way I can answer such a query (which I hope doesn't translate to reality in the near future) is notwithstanding all the fear generated in me (and most probably your mother as well), I go so far as to say this: If you dare to love someone whom you feel in your heart of hearts deserves such love, you will not regret it. Scary words from a scared dad, but engraved in stone. Ironically, not all the purest and noblest intentions will assure that you will have made the right choice. For in matters of love, who can tell, until the day we die, whether or not we have made the right choice?

** ** ** **
What I'm trying to say, anak, I guess is that you should not deny yourself the discovery of Life that Love makes possible, but at the same time not be overwhelmed by the crests and troughs of the rollercoaster that is Love. It is one of the truly defining experiences of our existence, but it comes at a great price: Love consumes you, and if you allow it to do so, it overcomes you pitilessly, remorselessly, till you are but an empty shell.

If I sound too passionate about a subject, it is only because I know the time is soon coming when you will fall in love. At least, you can fall back on your father's feeble words.

Promise you'll tell me if and when you do fall in love, OK? I just want to see the guy. Grrr.

I'm very lucky to have such a wonderful daughter like you, I love you and I miss you always.

Please kiss sabay hug your bros for me OK? Happy Valentine's Day!

Papa

(Editor's note: Noel Bautista is Papa to Nicole, who is turning 17. Noel calls himself "an accidental migrant" in Wellington, New Zealand. This is his "love letter" to his daughter.)

On the campaign trail

The circus has begun!

Its election time once again in good 'ole Philippines. Its a very crucial year since (hopefully) we'll be ending the nine-year reign (which seemed like forever) of the Midget in the Palace. On a personal level, its also crucial because I'm part of it, not as a candidate (never in my wildest dreams), but as one of the Queen Bee's working bees.

Yesterday, we started with the campaign through a motorcade around QC. We were supposed to hook up with the PMP caravan but since we were late, we had to scour the metropolis to join them. The goal is to inform the people that the Queen Bee is running, este, buzzing ;) Since she's a well-known personality, thanks to her famous temper, it was not very difficult for us to introduce her to the people. What made the task challenging was the people that I had to work with. They're a big challenge to my character and I had to consciously control my thoughts. I must not let my temper get the best of me.

Times like these, the Prayer of Serenity comes to mind.
God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

The Dream and The Dreamer

Once upon a time, each one of us had a Big Dream planted by the Dream Giver himself. Along the way, we forgot about this dream and pursued other mundane things. Things that we thought were important and would redefine our lives.But there will always be that void, that nagging "what if" which will bother us. We can only do two things - dismiss it again until its too late to pursue it, or attend to it now and see where the road leads you.

I realize now that I am the only one who can put a cap to my dreams. The general rule is that you can dream of anything you want to achieve. Anything is possible as long as you believe in yourself and the Dream Giver. But and that's a big BUT, you'll have to be willing to work hard to achieve that dream because it would not be handed to you in a silver platter. You might get disappointed, harassed and dejected to the point that you want to abandon the Dream. When that time comes, you should keep the faith. That's the time when you have to remember the gut level reason why you're on that road - to pursue your dreams.

So keep the fire burning and keep on dreaming!

The Unrequited

You can never impose yourself on other people. They say that falling in love is a decision. But you can't make that decision for the other person. You might have this illusion that the other person also reciprocates your feelings but its just that - an illusion. Do not fool yourself into thinking that he/she might just wake up one morning and have romantic feelings for you. Wake up from that delusion! If you can stop it now, then stop it. If you pursue that road, it will only lead to unnecessary heartaches and you'll both end up hurting each others' feelings.

Let live and let love

In celebration of the Singles Awareness month, I'm posting this email which a friend sent me. There's actually a lot of truth to this. (*_*)

The reason why people get so sentimental is due to the fact that memories are the only things that don't change.

When everything else does, there are things in life that you can't hold on forever. No matter how much you fight for it sometimes destiny isn't always good, it becomes playful.

When you meet someone you learned to love,you thought that it was destiny who made your paths cross But what if making your paths cross is just a part of the game that the playful destiny create? It only made you realize that in the end the person you thought that was destined for you was not really meant to stay. And that he's only destined to make you feel loved and leave you when you've already fallen.

It's not easy to state a reason when you decide to leave your love.
Some people might think it's just an excuse but some might not actually believe. Some will blame you and some might even be mad at you.

What they don't see is the fact that it hurts you even more to hurt someone who doesn't deserve to be hurt especially when you can't actually state the reason why you have to leave.

You can never own something that was never yours, so let's stop gripping on things we expect to last forever.

Nothing is forever because forever is a lie. Everything is transitory.

While you have something in your hand, put in mind that it's just borrowed so that someday when it's gone, it won't take you eternity just to let go.

When your feelings get strong for someone, its always wise to stop for a while, and give your heart a time to breathe.

A time to use your mind to weigh the situation based on reasons not on emotions. The saddest thing that can happen is when one falls in love while the other wants nothing more than friendship. Love can sometimes be magic but magic can be an illusion.

There would be times that you wish you were limited to certain emotions so that you'll never have to experience pain, never feel betrayed or disappointed, and never get your fragile heart broken.

But the same thing means that you'll never know how to love and be loved in return because the thought of it scares you.

You'll have to make that choice - to have a heart that is whole but numb or a heart that's broken but real.

Someday, we'll all be looking back to those days we learned to love, get hurt, cry and fight.

Maybe when the time comes, we'll be laughing at our dumb selves, realizing how stupid we were to stand up for things we know weren't really meant for us.

Life is what we make it and love makes the world go round.
So let's live, love and take whatever pain and joy it brings.

Pour Vous

Warning: This is an individualized post intended for myself.

According to Miranda, the key to success is hard work. So if you fail, it means you're not working hard enough. You gotta work harder in order to be successful.

I'm disappointed with myself again. I have no one to blame for my failures except myself. But I can't help but ask if I'm really made for this. Slowly, I'm beginning to discover my strengths and most importantly, my weaknesses. I know the things that I'm good at and the things that I can do just because I've been placed in that situation and I have nowhere else to go but forward. I will never retreat and I will never surrender.

This is a never ending process of self discernment. Its difficult and confusing but its all part of the game. I chose to travel through this path and I must finish it at all costs. I just have to always remember the gut level reasons why I am doing this. I pray that God will give me the strength to endure and persevere.

STRESSED OUT!!!

There's just too much pressure from all fronts. Pressure from lost school, from work, from my part time job, from the community. Its just too much to handle. Can someone please make it stop?

But I know I just can't break down and cry.

I'm hoping that this too shall pass and I, too, shall pass.

its the climb!

As I was sorting out my files, I chanced upon this old video of our climb in Mt. Maculot, Cuenca, Batangas and I thought of sharing it with you.

Maculot escapade from Donna Manlangit on Vimeo.

mountain of fears to conquer

3 April 2006
Friendster blog entry

at last.. summer vacation is here! after months of gruelling statistical torture, i’m finally free to go out and enjoy the sun. and that’s exactly what i did last weekend.. i wasn’t ready for the climb in Mt. Maculot, Batangas. mind you, im not a professional mountaineer. i just love the outdoors and i’ve gotten nauseated with the dirty fumes i continually inhale here in the metro. so, i really needed a weekend getaway.. when my roommate and her co-workers from GK Bagong Silang invited me to climb with them, i didn’t hesitate to do so..

we started early, around 5am we were already at the foot of the mountain. it was exhilarating just staring at the clear sky with the twinkling stars up above. but we still had a long day ahead of us. the trail was a 3-hour trek up to the peak and after 3 stations on the way, i was already exhausted.

it gave me a lot of time to think. do i have to go through all these? what motivates people to endure this kind of exhaustion? how far is it to the top? what’s waiting for me out there? can i just give up altogether and wait for my friends instead of continuing the climb? i was all ready to quit. i can’t endure it anymore. but as i look at my companions, huffing and puffing their way up to the top. i felt a surge of energy which came with a challenge - if they can do it, then why can’t I. after hours of trekking and picture takings, we finally reached the top - and woah!!! nothing prepared me for the beauty of the sight - with the serene waters of Taal Lake at the backdrop. it was all worth it.. the calloused hands, the blistered feet, the bruises and the cuts - it was all worth it! i’d go through it again if I have to..

this experience taught me a lot of lessons:
1. Life is a journey. Its not an easy trail - it has its ups and downs. We may not even know where we are going, but one thing’s for sure - something wonderful awaits us at the end of the journey. something way beyond our dreams and we won’t be able to enjoy its whole grandeur it if we don’t finish the journey. there are no shortcuts. each trail, each mistake, each fall, each step would bring us closer to our final destination. we just have to stay focused and keep the faith as we continually hope for the fulfillment of our journey.

2. We are not alone. Although this is an individual journey, we have other people journeying with us. they are there to help us up when we fall, to encourage us to go on, to make us smile or even to make the journey difficult for us. whatever their purpose, they are there for a reason. different people. different reasons. but one purpose.. to reach the top!

3. There is no one trail. there were lots of trails. some climbers even got lost coz they took the wrong turn. that’s the importance of focus. its so easy to get lost and one may not even know that s/he is already lost. it takes a strong sense of direction and vigilance to stay in the right track. do not be complacent and assume otherwise. but one good thing about this is once we’ve realized our mistake, we can always go back, retrace our steps and find the right trail. we might consume a lot of time and extra effort, but everything is worth it once we get to the top. its better to go through all these than continue with the wrong trail and arrive at a miserable dead end.

4. As we started the journey, we had lots of fears.. what if we fall, what if we get lost, what if we collapse due to sheer exhaustion.. so many what ifs, so many fears.. but if we gave in to those fears, we might have missed the precious reward that awaits us at the top. it takes a firm belief in your strengths, trust in your companions, passion in your pursuits and faith in the One who made you for you to finish the race..

at the end of it all, we can proudly say.. its not the mountain that we conquered.. its ourselves!!!

growing old with you

Everyday, I always pass by the Parks and Wildlife along Quezon Ave. on my way to work. But this morning, I saw a scene which truly moved me even though it was very fleeting. It was a scene of two old people, hunched inside their makeshift home, and talking, as if they were the only two people in the world. It was a true picture of contentment. They may not have much in life but at least, they have each other... and that's the only thing that matters.

a picture of contentment

Nope, that's not the old couple. That's my lolo and lola! (*_*)

part timer

I received a surprise blessing yesterday. Somebody offered me a part time job! Yeah. :) Although it does not pay very well but its the opportunity to work for this somebody that sealed the deal. She's working on a paper for the United Nations. Oha, big time! ;)

I realized now that I love research. Before you raise your brow, let me set this straight. No, I'm not a certified geek because I still love the outdoors more than I love the library. I savor the search and the feeling of finding that elusive material which you've doggedly looked for. Its a sweet, sweet victory for me. So this project would last for 3-4 months and I am looking forward to learning more about international law within that short span of time.

Wish me lots of luck. ;)

Defying gravity for 2010

Last night, I was reminded that one of my goals for this year is to update my blog weekly. Alas, I failed to do that for two weeks now. Its not for lack of possible topics because I got loads of things to talk about. The usual culprit is procrastination. Haaay. Okay, I'll make that one of my resolutions for this year
If I can do it now, I'll do it now. (*_*)

To start the year, I'm posting videos of our adventure in Enchanted River. Remember that river which was No. 6 in my Taften dream destinations? Well, I did it. The whole family went there on the second day of the year. Although it took us more than an hour of travel, it didn't disappoint us. The river was truly enchanting! It was nestled in a small grove of trees with limestone formations which contributed to the clear icy bluish waters. Its dark tinge comes from the Pacific sea pouring in from a deep underwater crevice. And when we took our first dip, we never wanted to go back up.



Before I proceed to the climax of this story, I have to confess a secret - I think I was a bird in my past life. Really, I am not afraid of heights and I even have this penchant for heights. At the top of my "things to do before I die list" is to go on a bunjee jumping spree. :) And related to the title of this post, I just couldn't resist the urge of defying gravity by jumping from the roots of the trees surrounding the lagoon into the cool water. Apparently, I was not the only one in the family who had "suicidal tendencies". We all had our chance to take the plunge.





But the second jump was more difficult because it was more or less a 30 feet drop from the water. We had to scale one side of the mountain and offer our bare flesh to the hungry bites of the insects so that we can position ourselves better for the jump. Before I decided to go for it, I resolved that in my lifetime, I don't want to answer a very difficult question - What If? When I look back, I don't want to have any regrets whatsoever. What do I have to lose anyway? So, with that, I strengthened my resolve to jump. The jeers and cheers of the onlookers and my mother's warnings added to the pressure. Well, at that point, there was nothing else to do but JUMP!




And I survived! Did it hurt? Yes. Was it fun? Loads of fun. Will I do it again? Definitely YES!